It has been a really long time since I have posted on here - over a year! So much has happened in the past year - I am not even going to touch on the obvious today - losing my grandfather and my Sam. 2014 has made me realize that I need to live my life to the absolute fullest. I need to be true to myself and true to Owen. We are having to adjust to a new life and things have changed. Therefore, I have changed. There is one person in my life who I have to deal with and it isn't always the most pleasant experience. Railroading is how he gets his way and I have realized that this is not going to work. It is going to have to change. I don't have Sam to hide behind anymore. Some people are very outspoken and have no issues voicing their opinions, not really caring who they hurt as long as they get their point across. Others have a constant "poor me" attitude and have no issue telling anyone and everyone who will listen what their latest drama is - moping around and focusing on just the negative in their lives. The realization has hit that I cannot be around toxic people right now.
On to the happier stuff. Thank God for my Owie and my puppies. They are the reason I get out of bed every morning. During this past year, I have watched my baby boy blossom. He amazes me and I love seeing the person he is becoming. Owie is definitely a mix of Sam and myself. He loves to make people smile and laugh. Boy is he funny! Somehow, we were blessed with a mild mannered baby who will eat anything but cottage cheese, sleeps until about 10-10:30 am, loves to go shopping with me, and is pretty stinkin smart. And he is beautiful - on the inside and out. I can already tell that he is a gentle soul and he is going to go places. I am going to do everything in my power to make Sam proud in how I raise our son.
Short post, I know. Hopefully, I will be posting more about my journey. Our journey, actually. Thank you to everyone for their kind words and outpouring of love over the past few months. Thank you is something I can never say enough. Hugs to all and please, please, please cherish every moment with your loved ones. Hug them, kiss them, squeeze them tight. Tell them how much you love them. There is no such thing as saying it too much.
"Life is a story. Make yours the bestseller." ~ Unknown
Friday, January 23, 2015
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
For Auld Lang Syne.....
As the year comes to a close, I am starting to think about some of the changes that I want to make in my life for 2014. Nothing drastic, just ways that I can strengthen the relationships that already exist and perhaps creating new relationships.
I just wanted to take a second to focus on some of the highlights of 2013. There were many highs and lows this year, but I really just want to point out some of the positives. These are in no particular order:
1. Sam and I deciding to try to have a baby again this year. We were told that it could take up to 6 tries with fertility treatments but it worked on the first try (aside from our effort from 2011).
2. Getting pregnant!
3. Winning the Daisy Award.
4. My bestie, Lisa, having her 2 beautiful twins, Annabelle and Henry.
5. Celebrating 3 glorious years of marriage to the best hubs a girl could ask for.
6. Being a balloon handler in the Children's Healthcare of Atlanta Christmas Parade.
7. My sister, Dana, being a cancer survivor and is now in remission.
8. Another bestie, Kathleen, getting engaged!!!!! WooHoo!!!!!
9. Seeing so many people that I had not seen in such a long time at my baby shower and being able to celebrate with them.
Well, I think that is it.
BAZINGA! (Just Kidding......)
My most amazing highlight of 2013 was........ Drum roll, please!
10. The birth of my beautiful Baby O!
Wishing you all a healthy, happy, joyful, beautiful, fun, peaceful 2014!
"Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.
And give me a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.
I just wanted to take a second to focus on some of the highlights of 2013. There were many highs and lows this year, but I really just want to point out some of the positives. These are in no particular order:
1. Sam and I deciding to try to have a baby again this year. We were told that it could take up to 6 tries with fertility treatments but it worked on the first try (aside from our effort from 2011).
2. Getting pregnant!
3. Winning the Daisy Award.
4. My bestie, Lisa, having her 2 beautiful twins, Annabelle and Henry.
5. Celebrating 3 glorious years of marriage to the best hubs a girl could ask for.
6. Being a balloon handler in the Children's Healthcare of Atlanta Christmas Parade.
7. My sister, Dana, being a cancer survivor and is now in remission.
8. Another bestie, Kathleen, getting engaged!!!!! WooHoo!!!!!
9. Seeing so many people that I had not seen in such a long time at my baby shower and being able to celebrate with them.
Well, I think that is it.
BAZINGA! (Just Kidding......)
My most amazing highlight of 2013 was........ Drum roll, please!
10. The birth of my beautiful Baby O!
Wishing you all a healthy, happy, joyful, beautiful, fun, peaceful 2014!
"Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
- CHORUS:
- For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
And give me a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
Monday, December 30, 2013
Life's a Parade!
If I had a bucket list, there would be a HUGE check mark next to a task that I would definitely have on there. On December 7th, I had one of my dreams come true. It may seem something that is ridiculous or insignificant, but I got really excited about doing it and it turned out to be better than I thought it would be. Are you ready?!?!?!?! I had the privilege of being a balloon handler in the Children's Healthcare of Atlanta Christmas Parade! It was GREAT!!!!! Because I won the Daisy Award in February, I was asked to march in the parade. I had the best time. The balloon that I walked with was an elf balloon. It was the first one in the parade. If I could do it every year, I would! Of course, with everything I do, there had to be some "interesting" parts.
I had to be at the parade at 7 am. Every day leading up to the parade was in the 60's and 70's. For some reason, it decided to turn into winter weather that morning. I woke up, fed Baby O, and then my dad was picking me up to bring me to the parade so I did not have to worry about parking. Well, I hopped in my dad's car, which was parked in the middle of the driveway, and it would not start. His truck was blocking both doors of the garage. I called Sam and we did not have any sort of jumper cables or anything. So, my dad had to put the car in neutral and I steered while we inched his truck over slowly but surely. He ended up driving Sam's car to drop me off. Not quite sure how he achieved this, but I arrived at the parade at 7:05. There was a nice little cozy tent - which was nice because it was FREEZING! We were not allowed to wear coats or hats. I had on 7 shirts and a pair of gloves. I was an icicle. At 7:15, they told us they needed some volunteers to hold down some of the balloons while they were getting blown up. Eager to get started, I hopped to it and lent a hand. It turns out that I had to stand in the same spot from 7:15 until 10:30 when the parade started. In the FREEZING cold. For some strange reason, when they were asking for volunteers, the only people actually volunteering were CHOA nurses. Breakfast was provided and we froze and watched others (big strong burly men) stand in the tent nice and warm, eating and drinking coffee. We finally started to send one person at a time to get food. Would it surprise you that the nurses were standing there skipping a meal and being the first ones to lend a hand? While we were waiting, the man from the balloon company came over and told us that he was going to give us a quick lesson because we would not have a professional with us. He showed us how to raise and lower the balloon - as it turns out, Peachtree has tons of power lines. Balloons and power lines do not mix, so we had to raise and lower the balloon. The pro told us that no matter what, make sure that the balloon was flying nice and high when we got to the Grand Stand. This is where the TV cameras are and also where the sponsors and their families sit. Seemed easy enough, right?
As 10:30 approached, my heart was pounding! The band in front of us started to play. They started to walk. We got the cue for us to move. Around the corner we went - only to be greeted by a power line right away. We lowered and raised the balloon as though we had been doing this forever. Woo hoo! Marching along the parade route, waving to the thousands of people who were sitting along the street, this was a dream come true for me! Suddenly, the parade came to a halt. I knew what this meant. We were getting closer to the Grand Stand. This was it! Make the balloon look beautiful. As we were standing there, it started to get a little windy. I was thinking this was my big TV debut. It can't be windy. My hair was going to get all crazy and my eyes would start to water which would cause my makeup to run. We started to move again. This was it! We were approaching the Grand Stand! I could hear the announcer say that we were Daisy Nurses and describe what a Daisy Nurse it. Just as we were getting there, a GIGANTIC gust of wind came and we lost control of the balloon. On the Grand Stand. On TV. In front of the sponsors and their families. More importantly, my hair was a mess. There went my hopes of being discovered. My chance of getting a walk on role on Days of Our Lives was completely gone. They did not keep the cameras on our balloon for very long. Just long enough to see me yelling at everyone to pull on their ropes to bring the balloon down - or as my dad said, "That's about right. There's Marisa being bossy and telling everyone what to do." Funny how as soon as we started moving, the wind died down.
We started walking again and managed the power lines with no issue. Along the route, there were several radio stations that were broadcasting. As we approached one, we could hear the announcer talk about how we were Daisy Nurses. With that, another giant gust of wind came and we lost control of the balloon again. This time, the weight of the balloon started to pull us as the balloon got lower and lower to the ground. Suddenly, there was a chorus of children screaming as the balloon was rapidly making its way into the crowd of bystanders along the side of the street. How ironic is that? The nurses who usually save lives were now about to run people over with a giant elf balloon. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a children's hospital Christmas parade tragedy. Luckily, we gained control of the balloon again and finished the parade without any incidence.
One thing I did not realize is that, as balloon handlers, we would be responsible for deflating and folding up the balloon. At the end of the route, we took a left hand turn down a side street. I was at the butt end of the elf where the zipper was to let all of the helium out. The zipper was gigantic - about the width of my arm. I volunteered to unzip the balloon being that I was right there. I started to unzip and the zipper got stuck. A little bit of helium was leaking out of the small opening I created, but at that rate, we would be there until New Year's Day waiting to get it all out. So I tugged really hard on the zipper. That's when it happened. The helium started to rush out. I mean really rush out. My hair was flying backwards like someone who was sitting in a convertible going 80 miles per hour. I was so taken aback, I took in a huge gasp of air. I was paralyzed with shock as I could actually see the wavy lines of the gas streaming out. And that is when I opened my mouth to speak. I was able to mutter out, "I feel really dizzy, guys!" But it wasn't my voice. It was the voice of Mickey Mouse after HE had sucked helium. Everyone burst out laughing because my voice was so high pitched. Someone pulled me away from the opening and my voice stayed high for a bit longer than it would if you had sucked helium from your good old standard party balloon. I couldn't help but laugh. Only me.
Once our happy little elf was all deflated and folded, I was able to locate my fan club. It consisted of Sam, my dad, and Baby O. We piled in the car. At this point, I was so cold, my body stung when it started to warm up. When we got home, I watched the parade on DVR. Not long after that, I took a very long nap! Even with all of the issues we had, it was still a dream come true for me. Carrying a balloon looks like it is easy, but let me tell you, it is some hard work!
As for everything else, life is going well. Baby O continues to grow. How is he 11 weeks already? I go back to work on Sunday. I am not quite sure how they are going to be able to rip me away from Baby O. Perhaps I can wear him in his carrier during my whole shift? We stayed in GA for Christmas this year. It was hard for me to not be in NY. Christmas Day also marked 5 years since my Grams gained her angel wings. I hope everyone is doing well and gearing up for 2014!
"If you're not in the parade, you watch the parade. That's life." ~Mike Ditka
"Do all you can to make your dreams come true." ~Joel Osteen
I had to be at the parade at 7 am. Every day leading up to the parade was in the 60's and 70's. For some reason, it decided to turn into winter weather that morning. I woke up, fed Baby O, and then my dad was picking me up to bring me to the parade so I did not have to worry about parking. Well, I hopped in my dad's car, which was parked in the middle of the driveway, and it would not start. His truck was blocking both doors of the garage. I called Sam and we did not have any sort of jumper cables or anything. So, my dad had to put the car in neutral and I steered while we inched his truck over slowly but surely. He ended up driving Sam's car to drop me off. Not quite sure how he achieved this, but I arrived at the parade at 7:05. There was a nice little cozy tent - which was nice because it was FREEZING! We were not allowed to wear coats or hats. I had on 7 shirts and a pair of gloves. I was an icicle. At 7:15, they told us they needed some volunteers to hold down some of the balloons while they were getting blown up. Eager to get started, I hopped to it and lent a hand. It turns out that I had to stand in the same spot from 7:15 until 10:30 when the parade started. In the FREEZING cold. For some strange reason, when they were asking for volunteers, the only people actually volunteering were CHOA nurses. Breakfast was provided and we froze and watched others (big strong burly men) stand in the tent nice and warm, eating and drinking coffee. We finally started to send one person at a time to get food. Would it surprise you that the nurses were standing there skipping a meal and being the first ones to lend a hand? While we were waiting, the man from the balloon company came over and told us that he was going to give us a quick lesson because we would not have a professional with us. He showed us how to raise and lower the balloon - as it turns out, Peachtree has tons of power lines. Balloons and power lines do not mix, so we had to raise and lower the balloon. The pro told us that no matter what, make sure that the balloon was flying nice and high when we got to the Grand Stand. This is where the TV cameras are and also where the sponsors and their families sit. Seemed easy enough, right?
As 10:30 approached, my heart was pounding! The band in front of us started to play. They started to walk. We got the cue for us to move. Around the corner we went - only to be greeted by a power line right away. We lowered and raised the balloon as though we had been doing this forever. Woo hoo! Marching along the parade route, waving to the thousands of people who were sitting along the street, this was a dream come true for me! Suddenly, the parade came to a halt. I knew what this meant. We were getting closer to the Grand Stand. This was it! Make the balloon look beautiful. As we were standing there, it started to get a little windy. I was thinking this was my big TV debut. It can't be windy. My hair was going to get all crazy and my eyes would start to water which would cause my makeup to run. We started to move again. This was it! We were approaching the Grand Stand! I could hear the announcer say that we were Daisy Nurses and describe what a Daisy Nurse it. Just as we were getting there, a GIGANTIC gust of wind came and we lost control of the balloon. On the Grand Stand. On TV. In front of the sponsors and their families. More importantly, my hair was a mess. There went my hopes of being discovered. My chance of getting a walk on role on Days of Our Lives was completely gone. They did not keep the cameras on our balloon for very long. Just long enough to see me yelling at everyone to pull on their ropes to bring the balloon down - or as my dad said, "That's about right. There's Marisa being bossy and telling everyone what to do." Funny how as soon as we started moving, the wind died down.
We started walking again and managed the power lines with no issue. Along the route, there were several radio stations that were broadcasting. As we approached one, we could hear the announcer talk about how we were Daisy Nurses. With that, another giant gust of wind came and we lost control of the balloon again. This time, the weight of the balloon started to pull us as the balloon got lower and lower to the ground. Suddenly, there was a chorus of children screaming as the balloon was rapidly making its way into the crowd of bystanders along the side of the street. How ironic is that? The nurses who usually save lives were now about to run people over with a giant elf balloon. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a children's hospital Christmas parade tragedy. Luckily, we gained control of the balloon again and finished the parade without any incidence.
One thing I did not realize is that, as balloon handlers, we would be responsible for deflating and folding up the balloon. At the end of the route, we took a left hand turn down a side street. I was at the butt end of the elf where the zipper was to let all of the helium out. The zipper was gigantic - about the width of my arm. I volunteered to unzip the balloon being that I was right there. I started to unzip and the zipper got stuck. A little bit of helium was leaking out of the small opening I created, but at that rate, we would be there until New Year's Day waiting to get it all out. So I tugged really hard on the zipper. That's when it happened. The helium started to rush out. I mean really rush out. My hair was flying backwards like someone who was sitting in a convertible going 80 miles per hour. I was so taken aback, I took in a huge gasp of air. I was paralyzed with shock as I could actually see the wavy lines of the gas streaming out. And that is when I opened my mouth to speak. I was able to mutter out, "I feel really dizzy, guys!" But it wasn't my voice. It was the voice of Mickey Mouse after HE had sucked helium. Everyone burst out laughing because my voice was so high pitched. Someone pulled me away from the opening and my voice stayed high for a bit longer than it would if you had sucked helium from your good old standard party balloon. I couldn't help but laugh. Only me.
Once our happy little elf was all deflated and folded, I was able to locate my fan club. It consisted of Sam, my dad, and Baby O. We piled in the car. At this point, I was so cold, my body stung when it started to warm up. When we got home, I watched the parade on DVR. Not long after that, I took a very long nap! Even with all of the issues we had, it was still a dream come true for me. Carrying a balloon looks like it is easy, but let me tell you, it is some hard work!
As for everything else, life is going well. Baby O continues to grow. How is he 11 weeks already? I go back to work on Sunday. I am not quite sure how they are going to be able to rip me away from Baby O. Perhaps I can wear him in his carrier during my whole shift? We stayed in GA for Christmas this year. It was hard for me to not be in NY. Christmas Day also marked 5 years since my Grams gained her angel wings. I hope everyone is doing well and gearing up for 2014!
"If you're not in the parade, you watch the parade. That's life." ~Mike Ditka
"Do all you can to make your dreams come true." ~Joel Osteen
Do all you can to make your dreams come true.
Joel Osteen
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_dreams.html#6lAv1hWVwE8YY4o5.99
Joel Osteen
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_dreams.html#6lAv1hWVwE8YY4o5.99
If you're not in the parade, you watch the parade. That's life.
Mike Ditka
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/parade.html#WdtP6tfA2hohT2r7.99
Mike Ditka
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/parade.html#WdtP6tfA2hohT2r7.99
Sunday, December 1, 2013
The Angels Didn't Sing; My Heart Did Not Swell.
Long time, no type! I will give the fast forward version of the rest of my pregnancy. My friends and family threw me some great showers. My first one was my shower in NY and it was so great to see all of my friends and my mom and sister's friends. We had the best time! There was only one thing missing ~ my Grams! I know she would have had the best time and I would have loved for her to give my belly some rubs. The next shower was my work shower. This was like something off a Pinterest board. I have some very crafty and talented co workers! It was beautiful! Next, came Sam's work shower. It was great to meet Sam's co-workers. They took time out of their busy day to decorate, have lunch and cake with us, and open some really beautiful gifts. Lastly was the shower Sam's mom and aunts threw for me. It was a whole lot of fun and it was great to see people that I had not seen in quite a while. They served all of my favorite goodies ~ from yummy chicken salad sandwiches to scrumptious cupcakes!
The remainder of my pregnancy was relatively calm. I had a scheduled c-section because the dr's kept saying that the baby's head was somewhere between the 88th and 93rd percentile. When you have an angry pelvis, that wouldn't be a good thing to go the natural route! So, I scheduled my c-section for Wednesday, October 9th. We were all set and ready to go. Unfortunately, Sam was not feeling very well and ended up being admitted into the hospital on October 7th. I was completely panic stricken because I was worried that a) Sam would miss the birth of the only child we were going to be having, b) the nursery was not finished yet and I knew that it would not be easy to finish it once our little friend arrived, and c) what if I went into labor before the c-section? I was a nervous wreck! Thankfully, my OB was willing to do the c-section on Friday, October 11th. Keep in mind, my dr was going on vacation that day, but he rearranged his schedule to come in on his day off to bring our little bundle of love into this world. Now, the next step was to make sure that Sam's dr discharged him on Thursday evening, which did happen. Sam got out early enough so we were able to even have one last date nite at our favorite Italian restaurant.
I looked at the extra 2 days that I was pregnant with Owen as a gift from God. It was extra time that I got to spend with him as close to my heart as possible. I enjoyed 2 more days of kicks, hiccups, and bumps. It was special Owen-Mommy time. I had such a rough pregnancy, I was able to enjoy these 2 days peacefully. I knew this was going to be the only time that I would have this experience so I wanted to make it last as long as I could.
I woke up on Friday morning at about 2 am and was having contractions. We had to be at the hospital at 6:30 am so I figured there was no use in going any sooner. Thankfully, he held out until my scheduled surgery time of 8:30 am. I was a nervous wreck about getting the epidural and bawled my eyes out when they were doing it. In nursing school, I had seen both an epidural being put in and a c-section being performed so I was fully aware of what was going on. There was a nursing student in the room for both and I apologized to her once the epidural was in. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!!!! My surgery was started at 8:52 am and at 8:55 am, our beautiful Baby O was brought into this great big world. Everyone kept saying how cute he was and Sam said he had a lot of hair. It felt like forever before I got to see him. When I finally did, I said, "Oh he really is cute! I was so afraid he would be an ugly baby! And I thought you guys were just telling me he was cute because you had to!". And I know he really is cute because my brutally honest ANM at work said he really is cute. So he has to be!
Once we were in the recovery room, I saw Sam as a whole new person. Owen's blood sugar was low, so they had to stick him a few times and Sam just held his hand and talked to him and rubbed his head the whole time. It was a beautiful thing to watch. While in recovery, I told Sam that I didn't feel like I thought I would once Owen was born. I kept hearing people say that as soon as you hold your baby in your arms, you will feel a love that you have never felt before. I didn't hear angels singing or feel my heart swell with emotion. I was tired and overwhelmed. I felt scared. My life would never be the same. I don't like change. In fact, I hate it. I loathe it. And this was a very big change. Every nite, I sent Owen to the nursery. On Saturday morning, they brought Owen to my room and as soon as the nurse walked out, I burst into tears. I was in too much pain to lift him out of his bassinet and I did not want to call the nurse in and bother her. I barely held him the whole time I was in the hospital because it just hurt too much. When I tried breast feeding, he would not latch on and it was very frustrating. So much so that I would cry when I was in my room by myself and I would pray that my nurse or tech wouldn't come in. I watched Sam bond with Owen and the love he had for him was just pouring out. I was so sad that I did not have the same feeling. This was something I wanted more than anything and had waited so long for and worked so hard to get and I wasn't feeling what I thought I should be feeling. It wasn't until we got home and things settled down that I really looked at him and realized just how in love I was.
So much has changed in the past 7 weeks. I am at the point where I sit and stare at Owen and study every little face he makes, every little movement his hands make, every little smile and smirk, and every little giggle and coo that comes out of that sweet little mouth. Breast feeding has gotten much better. I did way more than I was supposed to when I got home so my pain was pretty severe for quite a few weeks. By day 15 after I had Owen, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight because the pain medication really made me lose my appetite. My OB was kind enough to sew my abdominal muscles back together during my surgery so I don't have too much of a poochy thing going on. The dogs still sleep on the bed with us and we have tried to keep things as constant as possible for them and show them as much love and affection as we did before. Phoebe took to him right away but Lulu needed some time to warm up. She still only licks his hair and then runs away. I can't wait to see the girls and Owen grow up together.
Seven weeks ago, I hated - even loathed - change. It took an 8 lb 1 oz 20" little boy named Owen Vance Byram to open my eyes and make me realize that some change is great.
"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory." ~Douglas MacArthur
“The best love in the world, is the love of a man. The love of a man who came from your womb, the love of your son! I don't have a daughter, but maybe the love of a daughter is the best, too. I am first and foremost me, but right after that, I am a mother. The best thing that I can ever be, is me. But the best gift that I will ever have, is being a mother.” ~ C. JoyBell C.
The remainder of my pregnancy was relatively calm. I had a scheduled c-section because the dr's kept saying that the baby's head was somewhere between the 88th and 93rd percentile. When you have an angry pelvis, that wouldn't be a good thing to go the natural route! So, I scheduled my c-section for Wednesday, October 9th. We were all set and ready to go. Unfortunately, Sam was not feeling very well and ended up being admitted into the hospital on October 7th. I was completely panic stricken because I was worried that a) Sam would miss the birth of the only child we were going to be having, b) the nursery was not finished yet and I knew that it would not be easy to finish it once our little friend arrived, and c) what if I went into labor before the c-section? I was a nervous wreck! Thankfully, my OB was willing to do the c-section on Friday, October 11th. Keep in mind, my dr was going on vacation that day, but he rearranged his schedule to come in on his day off to bring our little bundle of love into this world. Now, the next step was to make sure that Sam's dr discharged him on Thursday evening, which did happen. Sam got out early enough so we were able to even have one last date nite at our favorite Italian restaurant.
I looked at the extra 2 days that I was pregnant with Owen as a gift from God. It was extra time that I got to spend with him as close to my heart as possible. I enjoyed 2 more days of kicks, hiccups, and bumps. It was special Owen-Mommy time. I had such a rough pregnancy, I was able to enjoy these 2 days peacefully. I knew this was going to be the only time that I would have this experience so I wanted to make it last as long as I could.
I woke up on Friday morning at about 2 am and was having contractions. We had to be at the hospital at 6:30 am so I figured there was no use in going any sooner. Thankfully, he held out until my scheduled surgery time of 8:30 am. I was a nervous wreck about getting the epidural and bawled my eyes out when they were doing it. In nursing school, I had seen both an epidural being put in and a c-section being performed so I was fully aware of what was going on. There was a nursing student in the room for both and I apologized to her once the epidural was in. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!!!! My surgery was started at 8:52 am and at 8:55 am, our beautiful Baby O was brought into this great big world. Everyone kept saying how cute he was and Sam said he had a lot of hair. It felt like forever before I got to see him. When I finally did, I said, "Oh he really is cute! I was so afraid he would be an ugly baby! And I thought you guys were just telling me he was cute because you had to!". And I know he really is cute because my brutally honest ANM at work said he really is cute. So he has to be!
Once we were in the recovery room, I saw Sam as a whole new person. Owen's blood sugar was low, so they had to stick him a few times and Sam just held his hand and talked to him and rubbed his head the whole time. It was a beautiful thing to watch. While in recovery, I told Sam that I didn't feel like I thought I would once Owen was born. I kept hearing people say that as soon as you hold your baby in your arms, you will feel a love that you have never felt before. I didn't hear angels singing or feel my heart swell with emotion. I was tired and overwhelmed. I felt scared. My life would never be the same. I don't like change. In fact, I hate it. I loathe it. And this was a very big change. Every nite, I sent Owen to the nursery. On Saturday morning, they brought Owen to my room and as soon as the nurse walked out, I burst into tears. I was in too much pain to lift him out of his bassinet and I did not want to call the nurse in and bother her. I barely held him the whole time I was in the hospital because it just hurt too much. When I tried breast feeding, he would not latch on and it was very frustrating. So much so that I would cry when I was in my room by myself and I would pray that my nurse or tech wouldn't come in. I watched Sam bond with Owen and the love he had for him was just pouring out. I was so sad that I did not have the same feeling. This was something I wanted more than anything and had waited so long for and worked so hard to get and I wasn't feeling what I thought I should be feeling. It wasn't until we got home and things settled down that I really looked at him and realized just how in love I was.
So much has changed in the past 7 weeks. I am at the point where I sit and stare at Owen and study every little face he makes, every little movement his hands make, every little smile and smirk, and every little giggle and coo that comes out of that sweet little mouth. Breast feeding has gotten much better. I did way more than I was supposed to when I got home so my pain was pretty severe for quite a few weeks. By day 15 after I had Owen, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight because the pain medication really made me lose my appetite. My OB was kind enough to sew my abdominal muscles back together during my surgery so I don't have too much of a poochy thing going on. The dogs still sleep on the bed with us and we have tried to keep things as constant as possible for them and show them as much love and affection as we did before. Phoebe took to him right away but Lulu needed some time to warm up. She still only licks his hair and then runs away. I can't wait to see the girls and Owen grow up together.
Seven weeks ago, I hated - even loathed - change. It took an 8 lb 1 oz 20" little boy named Owen Vance Byram to open my eyes and make me realize that some change is great.
"Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory." ~Douglas MacArthur
“The best love in the world, is the love of a man. The love of a man who came from your womb, the love of your son! I don't have a daughter, but maybe the love of a daughter is the best, too. I am first and foremost me, but right after that, I am a mother. The best thing that I can ever be, is me. But the best gift that I will ever have, is being a mother.” ~ C. JoyBell C.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Baby Boy Byram Almost Makes An Early Appearance!
There are a lot of things about pregnancy that can be uncomfortable, yet overlooked. You have your backaches, frequent urination, swollen toes, stretch marks, you get the point. And then there are some other aspects of pregnancy. I love being pregnant and love the thought of becoming a mother soon. Scared, yes, but very excited. This is something that Sam and I have wanted for a really long time. But, there have been several bumps in the road that have made me flop down on my bed and cry hysterically while asking God why he is doing this to me.
Let's start with the week before I became pregnant. It was the day of my sister's surgery in January and I noticed that morning that I was peeing a whole lot more than normal. Within a few hours, I was urinating pure blood. A trip to the Dr., 2 bags of fluid and a dose of rocephin later, my MD sent me to the ER because he started to get a little nervous. Yay for a crazy kidney infection! That, my friends, was the start of what I call The Pregnancy Plague. I should have known what would lie ahead!
At 6 weeks on the nose, I started with morning sickness. Not just any morning sickness. We are talking retching, vomiting, gagging, and, my favorite part, an aversion to liquids. That's right folks. I could not drink ANYTHING without gagging and vomiting. So much for the stay hydrated speeches I got from my dr! That lasted until week 13. I was pulled out of work for 2 weeks so I could rehydrate and take it easy. I was released to my OBGYN who told me that she had never had anyone with a liquid aversion. Yay for me being a freak!
Week 14 was not all that bad! I was feeling good, no more morning sickness, sleeping well, feeling energized. I was thinking, "Let's just forget about the first trimester and take it from here! I can consume liquids! Everything is going to be smooooooooooth sailing!" That was until week 15 hit and I was leaving work one day and felt like I had something in my eye. I went to the bathroom to take a peek only to see that my eye was bright red and had this disgusting gunk all over it. After a trip to the eye dr, I was diagnosed with an ulcerated cornea. Apparently, it is rare, but it does happen to pregnant women who wear contacts. After some eye drops and some days of just glasses as well as 3 eye dr appts, my eye was back to normal.
Then Week 16 hit and so did the migraines as well as a little bit of pain in my pelvis. The migraines were just spiffy! I would be talking to people at work and spontaneously vomit in trash cans. My co-workers were nice enough to let me have a migraine corner where the lites remained off and it was my quiet zone. Those lasted until about week 22. Almost every stinkin day, there was a headache. Accompanied by vomiting. Thanks to the vomiting, I became extremely dehydrated and had to go to the hospital for fluids. Hooray! As for the pelvic pain, I figured it was just round ligament pain and everything just shifting and moving around. Hah! Was I wrong about that!
Week 26, I woke up one Monday morning after working all weekend and was in excruciating pain. Come Tuesday, I felt like I could not move. The culprit was still kind of up in the air. My dr was thinking either separated pelvis or pulled muscle in my groin. The solution: modified bed rest for nearly 2 weeks. If it got better, it was a pulled muscle. If not, it was a separated pelvis. After 2 weeks of taking it easy, I still could not roll over in bed, had trouble with sitting, standing, walking, and pretty much doing anything aside from breathing. The final diagnosis: separated pelvis. Being that Baby Boy's head is in the 80th percentile, my pelvis is sure to split fully during a natural delivery. My MD is trying to decide if I should just have a c-section and deal with the recovery of that or should I have a natural delivery and most likely use a walker for a few months after delivery. I have also been going to PT. And wearing a very uncomfy belt that is supposed to get the baby off my pelvis. Oh joy!
Week 28 brought me to my to my oral glucose tolerance test. If you guess that I failed it, DING DING DING! Why would I have passed it? That would have been way too easy. So, Week 29 brought me back to the dr's office to repeat with a 3 hour (results not back yet).
So where in this whole mess does Baby almost make his appearance? That would have been this weekend. Saturday, I was having back pain and stomach pain and I was peeing every 2 seconds. The dr on call was convinced that I just had a muscle strain and sent me home. I knew it was something more serious, but I was not a good advocate for myself. By Sunday nite, I was doubled over in pain and finally called the dr at 10:30. She said to come into the hospital. You know how to know if I am really having an issue? If I go to the car without worrying about shaving, showering, etc, it is serious! The dr on call (the same one I had on Saturday) said it was either A. a muscle sprain (she almost got punched for that one!) or B. my gallbladder. If it was my gallbladder, I would have to have surgery to remove it. When we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to monitors only to discover that I was having contractions 2 minutes apart. I realized I had to pull myself together really quickly because if this baby was going to make his appearance, I didn't want him to come into the world with my being a wreck! They gave me a dose of medication to stop the contractions. It worked, until about 6 am when I started contracting again. Thankfully, they stopped on their own. After some labs and an ultrasound, my OBGYN determined what the culprit was: KIDNEY STONES! Kidney stones stink anyway, but to add the contractions on top of that, I thought I was dying. Seriously.
Needless to say, if I go into labor when the same dr is on call and she tells me I am just having a muscle strain, I will flip out. I felt like the dr and the nurse were not listening to me. But more importantly, I am annoyed with myself for not being an advocate. My gut was telling me there was a problem, but I didn't want to be one of those people who thinks they know better than the dr. I work with some great drs at my hospital, so I think I take it for granted and then end up trusting what every dr says. I kept telling Sam that I felt like n one was actually listening to me. Well, if they were not going to listen to what came out of my mouth, than they sure as heck had to listen to the monitors showing that I was having contractions and I was not a hypochondriac. I will never allow a dr to dismiss my feelings or concerns again. Ever! My body does not belong to just me right now. I have another little person depending on me to do what's right and make sure that I am heard.
Here's to taking bets to see what's next. Is it bad for me to hope that hemorrhoids are the next and last thing I am stricken with? Although with my luck.............
Happy August to all!!!!
Let's start with the week before I became pregnant. It was the day of my sister's surgery in January and I noticed that morning that I was peeing a whole lot more than normal. Within a few hours, I was urinating pure blood. A trip to the Dr., 2 bags of fluid and a dose of rocephin later, my MD sent me to the ER because he started to get a little nervous. Yay for a crazy kidney infection! That, my friends, was the start of what I call The Pregnancy Plague. I should have known what would lie ahead!
At 6 weeks on the nose, I started with morning sickness. Not just any morning sickness. We are talking retching, vomiting, gagging, and, my favorite part, an aversion to liquids. That's right folks. I could not drink ANYTHING without gagging and vomiting. So much for the stay hydrated speeches I got from my dr! That lasted until week 13. I was pulled out of work for 2 weeks so I could rehydrate and take it easy. I was released to my OBGYN who told me that she had never had anyone with a liquid aversion. Yay for me being a freak!
Week 14 was not all that bad! I was feeling good, no more morning sickness, sleeping well, feeling energized. I was thinking, "Let's just forget about the first trimester and take it from here! I can consume liquids! Everything is going to be smooooooooooth sailing!" That was until week 15 hit and I was leaving work one day and felt like I had something in my eye. I went to the bathroom to take a peek only to see that my eye was bright red and had this disgusting gunk all over it. After a trip to the eye dr, I was diagnosed with an ulcerated cornea. Apparently, it is rare, but it does happen to pregnant women who wear contacts. After some eye drops and some days of just glasses as well as 3 eye dr appts, my eye was back to normal.
Then Week 16 hit and so did the migraines as well as a little bit of pain in my pelvis. The migraines were just spiffy! I would be talking to people at work and spontaneously vomit in trash cans. My co-workers were nice enough to let me have a migraine corner where the lites remained off and it was my quiet zone. Those lasted until about week 22. Almost every stinkin day, there was a headache. Accompanied by vomiting. Thanks to the vomiting, I became extremely dehydrated and had to go to the hospital for fluids. Hooray! As for the pelvic pain, I figured it was just round ligament pain and everything just shifting and moving around. Hah! Was I wrong about that!
Week 26, I woke up one Monday morning after working all weekend and was in excruciating pain. Come Tuesday, I felt like I could not move. The culprit was still kind of up in the air. My dr was thinking either separated pelvis or pulled muscle in my groin. The solution: modified bed rest for nearly 2 weeks. If it got better, it was a pulled muscle. If not, it was a separated pelvis. After 2 weeks of taking it easy, I still could not roll over in bed, had trouble with sitting, standing, walking, and pretty much doing anything aside from breathing. The final diagnosis: separated pelvis. Being that Baby Boy's head is in the 80th percentile, my pelvis is sure to split fully during a natural delivery. My MD is trying to decide if I should just have a c-section and deal with the recovery of that or should I have a natural delivery and most likely use a walker for a few months after delivery. I have also been going to PT. And wearing a very uncomfy belt that is supposed to get the baby off my pelvis. Oh joy!
Week 28 brought me to my to my oral glucose tolerance test. If you guess that I failed it, DING DING DING! Why would I have passed it? That would have been way too easy. So, Week 29 brought me back to the dr's office to repeat with a 3 hour (results not back yet).
So where in this whole mess does Baby almost make his appearance? That would have been this weekend. Saturday, I was having back pain and stomach pain and I was peeing every 2 seconds. The dr on call was convinced that I just had a muscle strain and sent me home. I knew it was something more serious, but I was not a good advocate for myself. By Sunday nite, I was doubled over in pain and finally called the dr at 10:30. She said to come into the hospital. You know how to know if I am really having an issue? If I go to the car without worrying about shaving, showering, etc, it is serious! The dr on call (the same one I had on Saturday) said it was either A. a muscle sprain (she almost got punched for that one!) or B. my gallbladder. If it was my gallbladder, I would have to have surgery to remove it. When we got to the hospital, they hooked me up to monitors only to discover that I was having contractions 2 minutes apart. I realized I had to pull myself together really quickly because if this baby was going to make his appearance, I didn't want him to come into the world with my being a wreck! They gave me a dose of medication to stop the contractions. It worked, until about 6 am when I started contracting again. Thankfully, they stopped on their own. After some labs and an ultrasound, my OBGYN determined what the culprit was: KIDNEY STONES! Kidney stones stink anyway, but to add the contractions on top of that, I thought I was dying. Seriously.
Needless to say, if I go into labor when the same dr is on call and she tells me I am just having a muscle strain, I will flip out. I felt like the dr and the nurse were not listening to me. But more importantly, I am annoyed with myself for not being an advocate. My gut was telling me there was a problem, but I didn't want to be one of those people who thinks they know better than the dr. I work with some great drs at my hospital, so I think I take it for granted and then end up trusting what every dr says. I kept telling Sam that I felt like n one was actually listening to me. Well, if they were not going to listen to what came out of my mouth, than they sure as heck had to listen to the monitors showing that I was having contractions and I was not a hypochondriac. I will never allow a dr to dismiss my feelings or concerns again. Ever! My body does not belong to just me right now. I have another little person depending on me to do what's right and make sure that I am heard.
Here's to taking bets to see what's next. Is it bad for me to hope that hemorrhoids are the next and last thing I am stricken with? Although with my luck.............
Happy August to all!!!!
Friday, July 12, 2013
The Angry Pelvis
And so week 26 of pregnancy has already crept up on me and it halfway done. We had a painter come today to give us an estimate to paint the baby's room. The room is currently a very soft pink color and I don't think Baby Boy Byram would appreciate it. Prior to us moving in, it was a little girl's room and we never got around to painting it. I called several painters in order to have them come to give us an estimate. Some of the companies I spoke with had a 3 or 5 room minimum or a $1,000 minimum. There were some companies that I left a message with the secretary or on answering machines and they never called back. Surprisingly, a few were from the Gwinnett County verified home services guide. It is basically a guide that recommends companies who exhibit exemplary service. Um, I don't consider not calling prospective customers back exemplary service. But maybe I just expect too much!
It has been quite rainy down here in GA. Almost every day there is some percentage of rain as well as tons of clouds. Definitely not pool weather. My mom, Dana, and the kids are coming next week so hopefully it will clear up so that they can at least head to the pool a few days. They will be here for almost 2 weeks and then I will be heading up to New York shortly after. I am excited to see what Gramps thinks of the baby bump that I am sporting!
Apparently, my pelvis is angry. I have been pulled from work for a week and I have been told to lounge on the couch with my feet up until I go back to the dr next Thursday. It seems as though Baby Boy Byram has caused some extra stretching and splitting of my pelvis and has made some tendons a little on the peeved side. This is not something I was aware that could even happen. My ANM at work asked my why I couldn't just get something normal like hemorrhoids. I told her that I would much rather have those as well. Sitting, standing, rolling over, walking, getting dressed, climbing stairs, etc is beyond painful at this point. I have started to sleep on the couch because I don't move nearly as much on there than when I am in bed. It seems as though the dogs are not too heart broken about this. Phoebe sleeps in my spot, head on the pillow and all. Lulu generally likes to curl up at the foot of the couch and I think she likes having me all to herself.
Please visit my friend, Lauren's blog. She just started it and it is very good! Here is the link: http://mysensationalgirl.wordpress.com/ Here is to some sunshine in the coming weeks! I hope everyone has a great weekend!
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow." ~Gilbert K. Chesterton
"Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you." ~Langston Hughes
It has been quite rainy down here in GA. Almost every day there is some percentage of rain as well as tons of clouds. Definitely not pool weather. My mom, Dana, and the kids are coming next week so hopefully it will clear up so that they can at least head to the pool a few days. They will be here for almost 2 weeks and then I will be heading up to New York shortly after. I am excited to see what Gramps thinks of the baby bump that I am sporting!
Apparently, my pelvis is angry. I have been pulled from work for a week and I have been told to lounge on the couch with my feet up until I go back to the dr next Thursday. It seems as though Baby Boy Byram has caused some extra stretching and splitting of my pelvis and has made some tendons a little on the peeved side. This is not something I was aware that could even happen. My ANM at work asked my why I couldn't just get something normal like hemorrhoids. I told her that I would much rather have those as well. Sitting, standing, rolling over, walking, getting dressed, climbing stairs, etc is beyond painful at this point. I have started to sleep on the couch because I don't move nearly as much on there than when I am in bed. It seems as though the dogs are not too heart broken about this. Phoebe sleeps in my spot, head on the pillow and all. Lulu generally likes to curl up at the foot of the couch and I think she likes having me all to herself.
Please visit my friend, Lauren's blog. She just started it and it is very good! Here is the link: http://mysensationalgirl.wordpress.com/ Here is to some sunshine in the coming weeks! I hope everyone has a great weekend!
"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow." ~Gilbert K. Chesterton
"Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you." ~Langston Hughes
Friday, July 5, 2013
The Sausage Suit
I hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th of July! Every year, I say that I am not a fan of the 4th of July. Deep down inside, I think that is a lie. The memories I have from early childhood and the 4th are not good ones, so I that is why I say that I am not a big fan. But, the memories that I have from later years are much better. The happy memories that I have are family get together's in the backyard or on our deck with Gramps grilling hot dogs and hamburgers, sitting outside really late with the small kitchen tv perched on a plastic patio table playing the Twilight Zone marathon until the fireworks came on. Then, we would sit and be able to see the Macy's fireworks from our yard, but we would have the tv on for the effect of the music. No 4th was complete without the crazy Italian family whose yard backed up to ours having one of their parties. Neal, who thought he was am opera star, would belt out Whitney Houston, Cher, and every Italian song he knew on his Mr. Microphone, but our favorite was the Happy Birthday medley he would grace us with for his brother, Sal's birthday. It just so happened that his brother's birthday was July 4th. The deck in their back yard would be his stage and everyone would be sitting in the yard with all eyes on him! It was all fun and games until he would start screaming at mother and grandparents in Italian and cursing at them - all of this while still on his Mr. Microphone so half of Maspeth could hear him. We would all just sit and laugh, thankful that there was at least a fence that separated us. We won't even talk about what their poor dog, Rocky, endured. We were always trying to figure out ways to help the dog escape that insanity!
On to some more pregnancy "woes". Every year, Sam and I join the swim and tennis club that is associated with our subdivision. Sam uses the tennis part and I use the swim part. What is it that you need when you go swimming? That's right, folks. A bathing suit! Not too long ago, I made the trek to Old Navy to find a swim suit. They didn't have any maternity swimsuits, but they did have some tankinis that can be used for maternity. There is some rouching on the side that makes it rather easy to accommodate a growing bump. Normally, I am a small in a swimsuit. Silly me thought that I could get away with some small suits, but also grabbed mediums in the same suits - you know, just in case. With delusions of grandeur, I tried on the first suit in small. I should have stopped when I realized it was really difficult to get it on. I am not sure if anyone is familiar with shoving sausage meat into its casing, but it kind of went like that. I can only imagine what the people next to me as well as the dressing room attendant must have thought was going on in the dressing room with all the grunting, huffing, and puffing going on in there. And that was just getting it on. The harder part is getting it off. As I stood there with one arm stuck over my head and the other arm papoosed into the suit, I really thought I was going to have to take a walk of shame out there to ask someone to cut the suit off. You would think that I learned my lesson the first time, but the second suit looked like it was cut differently and was a little more forgiving. Yeah, not so much. With more grunts, puffs, and tugs, I succeeded in getting the first suit on. I broke out into a sweat once I realized that this suit was the same exact cut as the last and it was going to be just as bad getting it off. Well, it ended up being worse because now I was all sweaty. The suit actually made a squeaking noise as it rubbed up against my skin! At that point, I thought Crisco or scissors were my only hope. I took a deep breath and begged God to get this suit off me in one piece and without dislocating an arm or a shoulder or an elbow. I promised that I would not try on another small anything, ever! My prayers were answered. Oh what a relief it was to see that the next size up slid on with ease! Oh what an embarrassment it was to leave the dressing room more than 45 minutes later with my face beet red, panting, hair in a point, and covered in sweat. All of this because I was too stinkin stubborn! I managed to leave the store with 2 tankinis and I even ventured going to the pool. Needless to say, I learned my lesson!
I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and staying cool! The countdown is on until my family comes for a visit. I can't wait!!!!
"Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes." ~Joyce Armor
"A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside... when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone." ~Author Unknown
On to some more pregnancy "woes". Every year, Sam and I join the swim and tennis club that is associated with our subdivision. Sam uses the tennis part and I use the swim part. What is it that you need when you go swimming? That's right, folks. A bathing suit! Not too long ago, I made the trek to Old Navy to find a swim suit. They didn't have any maternity swimsuits, but they did have some tankinis that can be used for maternity. There is some rouching on the side that makes it rather easy to accommodate a growing bump. Normally, I am a small in a swimsuit. Silly me thought that I could get away with some small suits, but also grabbed mediums in the same suits - you know, just in case. With delusions of grandeur, I tried on the first suit in small. I should have stopped when I realized it was really difficult to get it on. I am not sure if anyone is familiar with shoving sausage meat into its casing, but it kind of went like that. I can only imagine what the people next to me as well as the dressing room attendant must have thought was going on in the dressing room with all the grunting, huffing, and puffing going on in there. And that was just getting it on. The harder part is getting it off. As I stood there with one arm stuck over my head and the other arm papoosed into the suit, I really thought I was going to have to take a walk of shame out there to ask someone to cut the suit off. You would think that I learned my lesson the first time, but the second suit looked like it was cut differently and was a little more forgiving. Yeah, not so much. With more grunts, puffs, and tugs, I succeeded in getting the first suit on. I broke out into a sweat once I realized that this suit was the same exact cut as the last and it was going to be just as bad getting it off. Well, it ended up being worse because now I was all sweaty. The suit actually made a squeaking noise as it rubbed up against my skin! At that point, I thought Crisco or scissors were my only hope. I took a deep breath and begged God to get this suit off me in one piece and without dislocating an arm or a shoulder or an elbow. I promised that I would not try on another small anything, ever! My prayers were answered. Oh what a relief it was to see that the next size up slid on with ease! Oh what an embarrassment it was to leave the dressing room more than 45 minutes later with my face beet red, panting, hair in a point, and covered in sweat. All of this because I was too stinkin stubborn! I managed to leave the store with 2 tankinis and I even ventured going to the pool. Needless to say, I learned my lesson!
I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and staying cool! The countdown is on until my family comes for a visit. I can't wait!!!!
"Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes." ~Joyce Armor
"A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside... when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone." ~Author Unknown
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