I will be very up front and honest. I failed MISERABLY at my Happiness Project this month. Every once in a while, I got in a few exercises here and there, but not to the best of my ability. Hopefully, now that I am no longer a tax widow and I have my husband back, he will inspire me to work out again. It looks like I am going to have my work cut out for me because the 3rd month is now going to have to be combined with my 2nd month. We have already started working on month 3 and can't wait until it really gets rolling.
Now, for the unveiling of the subject.........DRUM ROLL PLEASE.......home improvements!!!! This has already been a very busy and time consuming project, but our house has definitely been a source of unhappiness lately. I guess you could say it started relatively soon after we moved in - actually, right about a week after we moved in when my dad fell thru our deck. Any one who has seen my dad knows that he is not a big guy at all, so it was in pretty bad shape when we purchased the house, apparently. When our contractor asked us if we were doing the home improvements for ourselves or in order to get ready to move, we said ourselves. He was pretty shocked because he said most people who get work done are doing it so they can sell their house. But we are here for the long haul! What are we doing during these home improvements you ask? Well, I will preface this with - our house was built in 1979 and everything in it is still original including the appliances. That's right folks! We still have all Magic Chef appliances. The people that lived here before us just painted the bath tub to make it look new. But when I scrubbed it, a ton of the paint came off. The bathroom walls have quite a bit of mildew, so those are going to be replaced, new counter tops in the kitchen, 1/2 bath, and 2 full baths, new vanities and sinks in the bathrooms, kitchen cabinets, paint in all rooms, and of course new appliances. I am tired of living in the 70's. It was a great decade - I am a product of it. But I think it is about time that we move it along to the 21st century. We will also be doing some landscaping because Lord knows our grass could use a little TLC beyond what we can offer it. So this is something that we are both really excited about. While I am sure that several arguments will break out when it comes to the nitty-gritty, I am sure that it will also be a really fun project for us to work on together.
On to some more fun news......I have a new nephew, thanks to my sister and brother in law. He is just gorgeous. His name is Matthew Joseph Murphy. For those of you who did not hear about my sister's insane labor, I will give you a quick summary. Dana wakes up at 4 am feeling some labor pain. She takes a shower and her water breaks at 4:30 am. Dana and Brian get to the hospital at 5:01 am. After a quick exam, they assess Dana as being 7 cm dilated. She signs the consent with the anesthesiologist to get an epidural, they reassess and discover that it is pushing time - no time for the epidural. Matthew Joseph Murphy was born on March 30th at 5:28 am at 9 pounds 12 ounces 22 inches long. Matthew was born on my grandfather's birthday, whose first name is Joseph, so his middle name is Joseph after my Gramps. I went up to NY to surprise my family for my precious niece's 3rd birthday party. My mom was the only person who knew. I spent every living moment up there with my niece and nephew. They really just rock my world. Christina just turned 3 and she is just the greatest. I can tell that we are going to be best friends. Her personality is just amazing. The things that she says are hilarious. She cried when I left and after I got inside the airport, I cried. Christina has such a beautiful soul and I can tell she is going to be a person who touches the lives of others. Matthew never cries....doesn't make a single peep.....one would say he was peepless. When he is awake, he is so happy. But he is definitely a sleeper. I think it was day 3 of me being there that I finally saw his actual eyes! He was in such a hurry to get here just to sleep.
Now on to the other stuff that is going on with us. Every day that I am at work, I take care of other people's children. I love kids - not as much as animals - but I love them. Being that Sam has cystic fibrosis, we have to deal with infertility issues. We have just recently started talking about a time line for us and when we would want to have kids. While I do like to share my life here on my blog, I am not going to share our time line. Again, that is just one more thing that CF robs us of. Many people get to just get pregnant spontaneously and that is something that we do not get to do. We have to conceive in probably the most invasive, non-intimate way....with a petri dish. After doing some research, we have been hit with some pretty hard realities. The statistics of getting pregnant thru IVF is 50%. If we are not successful, we do not get our money back. The cost is just shy of $20,000. Imagine how heart breaking that is. My health insurance does not consider infertility to be a health problem, so it is not covered at all. Another option would be adoption, but that is something else that is not a 100% guarantee. It is possible to pay a ton of money and still not get a child. What happens if the adoptive parents change their mind? Plus, for my own selfish reasons, I would like to experience pregnancy first hand. When I was looking at some websites regarding couples with a CF spouse going thru IVF, I took a really hard blow. One person posted on there that it was very selfish for people with CF to reproduce because it is already bad enough that the couple has to deal with it and then to add a child to the mix is just plain selfish. It was really hurtful to read and it started to make me second guess whether or not we should have children. After speaking to a friend and one of my co-workers, they both made me realize that this is not something that we should be deprived of because anything can happen to any one of us on this earth. The fact that we have to deal with this on top of CF is kind of like the spoiled whipped cream on top of the melted sundae. One of the hardest things for me to deal with when I am at work is encountering parents who have children who are failure to thrive because they have several children and they don't have enough money to feed them but they are pregnant again and have designer clothes, cell phones and manicured nails. Also, children who are in DFACS custody because they were abused and/or neglected. I know it sounds wrong for me to think this way, but it is just very hard to find reasoning that people who can't take care of their children are blessed with them and then they don't appreciate the gift they are given.
I hope everyone out there is doing well. If you have children, hug them and remember that they are truly a gift from above. Don't forget to tell your family just how important they are and how much you love them. Cherish every day and take in the beauty and joy of the spring season. Thanks for reading and don't forget to become a follower!
A baby is a bit of star dust blown from the hand of God! - Unknown
When God wants something special done in the world... He sends a baby and then... He waits.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Enough lites to decorate Buckingham Palace!
March 15th was the deadline to my first month of my Happiness Project. Did I meet my deadline? Nope, but I came pretty stinkin close! The basement is my nemesis! I worked on it for several weeks, but it is taking much longer than I thought. Yesterday, I spent most of my afternoon sorting through boxes of Christmas lites. If you have ever seen the movie "Christmas Vacation" than you will have an idea of what each box of lites looked like. They were all just huge balls of knots. I took the time to untangle each one and re-wrap them. Had there only been 5 or 6 strings of lites, this would not have taken a long time. Unfortunately, we have about enough lites for our house to be seen from space if we put them all on. Also, we have 2 sets of decorations. We have our red and green decorations and we have our lite blue, white, and silver decorations. That is so we can alternate our theme each year. Oh, wait! Then we have our combo decorations which are the ones that we use no matter what the theme is. This year when we took our fragile decorations down, we didn't do such a spifferific job wrapping them and putting them in their original packaging, so throw that into the equation as well. We have a ton of Christmas decorations that get scattered thru the house, so those had to be resorted. Anyway, you get the point. Needless to say, I am thinking that one more good day down there will get the task completed. I am going to use it towards my goal for this month. How you ask? Well, if you saw the amount of crap that has to be moved around and carried upstairs 2 flights to our office or brought to the garbage/recycling. I am sure this is going to be a large amount of exercise!
I am technically in my second month which will be working on moi! To kick-off my month, I started by taking all of my measurements. I am not looking to lose weight. I will start off by saying that. But, I would not mind seeing some changes in those measurements for the better. I think as soon as I said, "I do!", my metabolism said peace out! I am down to one pair of dress pants and one pair of khakis. As for my jeans, Sam thinks they look better on me, but I feel like I am walking like I just got off a horse.
I did attempt to take Cheyenne for a walk. We walked one mile in one direction and then Cheyenne pooped out on me. The other mile consisted of my carrying her back home. There were people that honked, people that pointed and laughed and one bright light who rolled down his window and yelled, "Well that gives walking your dog a whole new meaning!" Now, I am an animal lover and if I saw some girl huffing and puffing down the street carrying a 40 pound dog, I would assume that there was probably something wrong with this picture. Maybe I am naive, but I would probably pull over and ask if she needed some help and if something was wrong with the dog. But I guess Southern hospitality is a thing of the past!
Aside from working out, some of the other things that I am working on have included flossing daily, putting on lotion after I take a shower, straightening my hair if I am going out somewhere, and putting on makeup more often. This does not include when I go to work. I do put makeup, but the last thing I want is to have my hair fall into someone's oozing wound or a diaper full of poo. That is really not cute! I have sorted thru my wardrobe and gotten rid of clothes that I know that I will never wear again and should have been shot for purchasing in the first place. My diet has been a little healthier for the most part. Every once in a while, I indulge - who am I to turn down a piece of pizza.....or two? More vegetables and fruit have made an appearance into my diet, so I am happy about that.
I feel like my mood has improved some in general. I am trying not to get so stressed out at work. Currently, I am precepting a nursing student and she is awesome! She is way ahead of where I was when I was in nursing school and she is not afraid to try new things. It is nice to have someone that I can teach new things to. It helps with my confidence level. On another note, I had my review at work and got moved up to the next level from Novice to Colleague. We are required to join a committee at work and I am on the Professional Development Council, CF Core Nurse, and Journal Club. I am also the secretary of the Professional Development Council. This year, they needed someone to be a representative from Egleston for the Great Strides Team (A fund raiser for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation) so I am doing that now as well. If you have any questions about how to donate, let me know! When I am involved with something, I feel like it boosts my mood and keeps me occupied.
The weather has been up and down, but I am enjoying the beauty that spring has brought with it. The lawns are green, the birds are chirping a little louder, baby squirrels are bouncing through the yard, flowers in full bloom....what more could anyone ask for? Oh, I know! A new baby nephew. Spring has sprung and so has Matthew Joseph. He was born on my Grampy Joe's birthday, 3/30 at 5:28 am. My sister woke up with labor pains at 4 am and Matthew was here at 5:28 am at 9 lbs 13 oz with no epidural. My sister is a champ! Big sister Stina is just loving her new baby brother and is looking forward to her 3rd birthday!!!!!
As for Sam, he is still on home iv's and he is working harder than ever. The steroids are helping to give him some extra energy, so that helps quite a bit. For those of you who don't know what a day is like for the average person with cystic fibrosis (CF), I will give you a quick run down. Depending on how sick Sam is, he takes anywhere between 50-65 pills that are spread out throughout the day. Out of those pills, he has to take 6 enzymes with each meal and 3 with each snack. Having CF makes it difficult to absorb fat and nutrients from food, so the enzymes are what helps him absorb it. At his last doctor's appointment, he was up 3 pounds. WooHoo! He does 3 breathing treatments a day - the first and last ones take about an hour each and the noon time one takes around 30 minutes. So when his co-workers come home from work after working 13 hours a day and are crawling in to bed, Sam is hooking up to IV's and doing an hour long breathing treatment. When they are able to sleep in an extra hour in the morning, Sam is up doing his breathing treatments way before the sun comes up. During busy season, he wakes up at 5 am and goes to sleep at 12 am. Sleep is so important for CF'ers because it is the time their body has to rejuvinate, so Sam is not getting that much needed rejuvination. We cannot wait until busy season is over so he can get that much needed rest. He is like the energizer bunny. He just goes and goes! Not once does he ever complain and he never looks for sympathy or special treatment. Sam wants to be "normal". That is the only things he ever asks for.
As a side note, I went to Emory about 2 weeks ago and gave a speech there about what it is like to have a husband with CF. This is a speech that Sam usually does 2 times a year, but he was in the throes of busy season, so they asked if I could do it. Plus the fact that I am a CF nurse helped quite a bit! It was great and everyone was so receptive. I love to talk to large groups of people, so this was right up my alley. The larger the group, the more I love it! I am sure that I did not do as good a job as Sam usually does. But I think I got the point across.
I am hoping that once Sam is done with busy season, I will be able to focus more on my Happiness Project. With him still being on home IV's and in the midst of busy season, it is really hard to focus because I have a lot more on my plate at home. I know that is not an excuse, but our world is kind of upside down right now. My third month is going to have to be pushed back a little, but it is something that I do not have too much control over. To keep the suspense, I am not going to let you know what the next month is just yet. It is something that we have already started on, but we have not gotten too much into it just yet. No, it is not a baby. Just to clear that up!
If anyone else is doing the Happiness Project, please let me know! I am enjoying mine and would love to hear your success stories. Or even if you are not having success, feel free to share and give me some pointers. Also, people, I need some more followers, so make sure you sign up as a follower! Thanks for the positive comments and for reading my blog!
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. -Desiderata
All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within. -Horace Friess
I am technically in my second month which will be working on moi! To kick-off my month, I started by taking all of my measurements. I am not looking to lose weight. I will start off by saying that. But, I would not mind seeing some changes in those measurements for the better. I think as soon as I said, "I do!", my metabolism said peace out! I am down to one pair of dress pants and one pair of khakis. As for my jeans, Sam thinks they look better on me, but I feel like I am walking like I just got off a horse.
I did attempt to take Cheyenne for a walk. We walked one mile in one direction and then Cheyenne pooped out on me. The other mile consisted of my carrying her back home. There were people that honked, people that pointed and laughed and one bright light who rolled down his window and yelled, "Well that gives walking your dog a whole new meaning!" Now, I am an animal lover and if I saw some girl huffing and puffing down the street carrying a 40 pound dog, I would assume that there was probably something wrong with this picture. Maybe I am naive, but I would probably pull over and ask if she needed some help and if something was wrong with the dog. But I guess Southern hospitality is a thing of the past!
Aside from working out, some of the other things that I am working on have included flossing daily, putting on lotion after I take a shower, straightening my hair if I am going out somewhere, and putting on makeup more often. This does not include when I go to work. I do put makeup, but the last thing I want is to have my hair fall into someone's oozing wound or a diaper full of poo. That is really not cute! I have sorted thru my wardrobe and gotten rid of clothes that I know that I will never wear again and should have been shot for purchasing in the first place. My diet has been a little healthier for the most part. Every once in a while, I indulge - who am I to turn down a piece of pizza.....or two? More vegetables and fruit have made an appearance into my diet, so I am happy about that.
I feel like my mood has improved some in general. I am trying not to get so stressed out at work. Currently, I am precepting a nursing student and she is awesome! She is way ahead of where I was when I was in nursing school and she is not afraid to try new things. It is nice to have someone that I can teach new things to. It helps with my confidence level. On another note, I had my review at work and got moved up to the next level from Novice to Colleague. We are required to join a committee at work and I am on the Professional Development Council, CF Core Nurse, and Journal Club. I am also the secretary of the Professional Development Council. This year, they needed someone to be a representative from Egleston for the Great Strides Team (A fund raiser for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation) so I am doing that now as well. If you have any questions about how to donate, let me know! When I am involved with something, I feel like it boosts my mood and keeps me occupied.
The weather has been up and down, but I am enjoying the beauty that spring has brought with it. The lawns are green, the birds are chirping a little louder, baby squirrels are bouncing through the yard, flowers in full bloom....what more could anyone ask for? Oh, I know! A new baby nephew. Spring has sprung and so has Matthew Joseph. He was born on my Grampy Joe's birthday, 3/30 at 5:28 am. My sister woke up with labor pains at 4 am and Matthew was here at 5:28 am at 9 lbs 13 oz with no epidural. My sister is a champ! Big sister Stina is just loving her new baby brother and is looking forward to her 3rd birthday!!!!!
As for Sam, he is still on home iv's and he is working harder than ever. The steroids are helping to give him some extra energy, so that helps quite a bit. For those of you who don't know what a day is like for the average person with cystic fibrosis (CF), I will give you a quick run down. Depending on how sick Sam is, he takes anywhere between 50-65 pills that are spread out throughout the day. Out of those pills, he has to take 6 enzymes with each meal and 3 with each snack. Having CF makes it difficult to absorb fat and nutrients from food, so the enzymes are what helps him absorb it. At his last doctor's appointment, he was up 3 pounds. WooHoo! He does 3 breathing treatments a day - the first and last ones take about an hour each and the noon time one takes around 30 minutes. So when his co-workers come home from work after working 13 hours a day and are crawling in to bed, Sam is hooking up to IV's and doing an hour long breathing treatment. When they are able to sleep in an extra hour in the morning, Sam is up doing his breathing treatments way before the sun comes up. During busy season, he wakes up at 5 am and goes to sleep at 12 am. Sleep is so important for CF'ers because it is the time their body has to rejuvinate, so Sam is not getting that much needed rejuvination. We cannot wait until busy season is over so he can get that much needed rest. He is like the energizer bunny. He just goes and goes! Not once does he ever complain and he never looks for sympathy or special treatment. Sam wants to be "normal". That is the only things he ever asks for.
As a side note, I went to Emory about 2 weeks ago and gave a speech there about what it is like to have a husband with CF. This is a speech that Sam usually does 2 times a year, but he was in the throes of busy season, so they asked if I could do it. Plus the fact that I am a CF nurse helped quite a bit! It was great and everyone was so receptive. I love to talk to large groups of people, so this was right up my alley. The larger the group, the more I love it! I am sure that I did not do as good a job as Sam usually does. But I think I got the point across.
I am hoping that once Sam is done with busy season, I will be able to focus more on my Happiness Project. With him still being on home IV's and in the midst of busy season, it is really hard to focus because I have a lot more on my plate at home. I know that is not an excuse, but our world is kind of upside down right now. My third month is going to have to be pushed back a little, but it is something that I do not have too much control over. To keep the suspense, I am not going to let you know what the next month is just yet. It is something that we have already started on, but we have not gotten too much into it just yet. No, it is not a baby. Just to clear that up!
If anyone else is doing the Happiness Project, please let me know! I am enjoying mine and would love to hear your success stories. Or even if you are not having success, feel free to share and give me some pointers. Also, people, I need some more followers, so make sure you sign up as a follower! Thanks for the positive comments and for reading my blog!
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. -Desiderata
All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within. -Horace Friess
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Screw the deadline!!!
While I am going to write about my Happiness Project, I wanted to start out by writing about something else that is a whole lot more important to me. Sam is still on home IV's. While I know that he is going to get better, it is still something that is very stressful for both of us. He is a CPA, so he is smack dab in the middle of busy season, when he goes to the doctor, he has to stay at work even later than he normally would, he has to do iv's literally morning, afternoon, and nite. His weight has been flip flopping and his appetite has been less than stellar. I am not going to lie and say that this has not all sent me into a crying spell just about every other day.....or sometimes every day. Sam is usually not around for these little tear fests because I feel like it is not fair to him. He already has enough going on and has expressed to me that he already feels badly that we have to go thru this. Alot of my crying focused around obsessing about Sam having a shorter life span. What will happen to me if I am left by myself, what if we have kids and I have to raise them on my own? It is bad enough when I have to sleep in our bed alone when he goes into the hospital, but there is always the comfort of knowing that he is coming home. As much as I love to sleep sprawled out, I don't ever want to have to deal with a permanently empty bed. Sam always tells me to not worry about it. One day, I got into such a frenzy about it, I was just sobbing uncontrollably - my face was all red and soaked with tears, my eyes resembled Kermit the Frog's eyes, my nose was running like crazy and Sam reached his breaking point. He did something that he had never done before. He started to yell at me about it - telling me that I need to pull myself together, stop obsessing, stop crying. My actions were only making it difficult for him to deal with everything. He told me that he was too persistant to give in to some stupid disease. He grabbed my shoulders, looked me dead in the eyes and told me that he would never ever leave me alone. He will fight and he will keep fighting. He will never get tired and he will never give in. After that conversation, I have looked at him differently. If you look up the word persistant in the dictionary, you will find a picture of Sam. He is a fighter, my hero, my role model. Sam wakes up at 5:15 am Monday thru Saturday and never complains about it. He works 11-12 hours a day for 5 days a week and 6 hours on Saturdays and never once complains about being tired. He is my superman!
My Happiness Project is going very well, but I am running a little behind. At first, I was stressing myself out because I wanted to be on schedule and I did not want to disappoint myself, Sam, or the readers of my blog. I realized, though, that this is my project, so if I want to spend a little more time on an area, I am more than entitled to. Everyday we have to meet deadlines - paying bills by due dates, getting to work on time, getting to bed early, taking the dog out before she pees on the floor, and even finishing the milk before it starts to smell funny! Deadlines don't make people happy. They make you stressed out and this project is all about decreasing stress. I am enjoying clearing out the clutter, donating things, and throwing things away. I tackled my arts and crafts closet the other day - there are a ton of items in it, so I am not complete. There were several projects that I puchased things for, but I never started the projects - never the less finished them. I can guarantee that it will be a while before I set foot into a craft store to buy something. It is quite possible that I could open my own store. Once I am done with my arts and crafts closet, on to the basement I go. That is one area that I am eager to start working on. It will take a few days to sort thru everything, but I feel pretty confident that I will feel like a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders. Realistically, I would like to be done by March 15th, so I am challenging myself to finish off this month's goals by then.
On a side note, we are having a major mold issue in our house. We had a mold guy come over this morning and he quoted us over $5,000 to get rid of it all in the basement, first and second floors, and the attic. Obviously we are not going to go with the first person and we are going to get some other estimates, but this is a really big job. The mold is something that has been weighing on both of our minds, so I am hoping that once it is taken care of, we will both breathe a little easier - Sam more than me!
Please update me on your Happiness Project progress. You can do it as little or as big as you would like. I got an e-mail from the author of the book the other day and she said that her book is going to be coming out in paperback soon. It is well worth the purchase, people!!!!! You only have one life, so live it to the fullest and make it the happiest! Next month, I will be working on improving myself physically and mentally. Stay tuned!!! But, Tamila, that does not necessarily mean that I will be coming to work all dolled up :-)
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale
The flower that follows the sun does so even in cloudy days. ~Robert Leighton quotes
My Happiness Project is going very well, but I am running a little behind. At first, I was stressing myself out because I wanted to be on schedule and I did not want to disappoint myself, Sam, or the readers of my blog. I realized, though, that this is my project, so if I want to spend a little more time on an area, I am more than entitled to. Everyday we have to meet deadlines - paying bills by due dates, getting to work on time, getting to bed early, taking the dog out before she pees on the floor, and even finishing the milk before it starts to smell funny! Deadlines don't make people happy. They make you stressed out and this project is all about decreasing stress. I am enjoying clearing out the clutter, donating things, and throwing things away. I tackled my arts and crafts closet the other day - there are a ton of items in it, so I am not complete. There were several projects that I puchased things for, but I never started the projects - never the less finished them. I can guarantee that it will be a while before I set foot into a craft store to buy something. It is quite possible that I could open my own store. Once I am done with my arts and crafts closet, on to the basement I go. That is one area that I am eager to start working on. It will take a few days to sort thru everything, but I feel pretty confident that I will feel like a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders. Realistically, I would like to be done by March 15th, so I am challenging myself to finish off this month's goals by then.
On a side note, we are having a major mold issue in our house. We had a mold guy come over this morning and he quoted us over $5,000 to get rid of it all in the basement, first and second floors, and the attic. Obviously we are not going to go with the first person and we are going to get some other estimates, but this is a really big job. The mold is something that has been weighing on both of our minds, so I am hoping that once it is taken care of, we will both breathe a little easier - Sam more than me!
Please update me on your Happiness Project progress. You can do it as little or as big as you would like. I got an e-mail from the author of the book the other day and she said that her book is going to be coming out in paperback soon. It is well worth the purchase, people!!!!! You only have one life, so live it to the fullest and make it the happiest! Next month, I will be working on improving myself physically and mentally. Stay tuned!!! But, Tamila, that does not necessarily mean that I will be coming to work all dolled up :-)
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale
The flower that follows the sun does so even in cloudy days. ~Robert Leighton quotes
Friday, February 18, 2011
Brown Lettuce and Blue Cheese!
So, I have gotten thru the first 10 days of my Happiness Project. During this time, I have been doing a lot of evaluating. Evaluating my actions and reactions, what makes me happy and what turns me into a ticking time bomb, the effects that my moods have had on others, and my relationships. I notice that I have had a tendency of using up all of my nice and happy on others and my husband bears the brunt of the Unhappiness Project. If he asks me to do something for him, such as make his lunch for the next day just after I settled on to the couch after working, or cleaning the kitchen, I make it very well known that this is not something that I am all that interested in doing. Although, I think I was kind of successful the other nite when I got home from work to find Sam stretched out on the couch watching CSI relaxing after he finished all of the leftovers leaving nothing for me to eat for dinner. I didn't blow up. I just served myself the remaining 5 lettuce leaves that could be salvaged out of the browning bag of salad and slathered it with blue cheese dressing.
I have noticed that I have decreased my complaining at work - I try not to complain when my body parts ache from moving someone, I have decreased declaring how tired I am, at the end of the day, I no longer tell the oncoming shift what a tough day the day shift had. When the resource nurse the other nite said that she heard it was a tough day, I just said, "No, it wasn't too bad." She looked at me with a suprised look on her face and I told her that we all got thru the day in one piece and that was good enough for me! When the physicians order all of the wrong tests and I get phone calls from every single department in the hospital telling me they can't do what was ordered because it was entered incorrectly, I do still get a little irritated. I am human still!
Part of this happiness project has been evaluating friendships. While it is nice in a perfect world to always think that people will be your friends forever, it does not always work that way. Moving on from relationships and friendships is sad, but it also helps with finding happiness. People make new friends, outgrow old ones, find more fun, new exciting ones, and move on. It happens and that is ok. Sometimes you can just give it the best effort you have and after that, it is time to move on. It is not giving up or accepting defeat, it is respecting differences.
You want to know what I part of the organizing I have actually achieved, don't you? Well, it has not been much. Things have been very hectic in our house. Cheyenne has had to go to the vet almost once a week and we got the news today that she has Cushing's Disease. The medication can be rather harsh on her, but we are optimistic that she will be ok. Work has had several call outs, and I worked some extra hours on Wednesday. I felt badly because I was not able to stay longer than 3 hours - that was the day Cheyenne went in for her blood tests. They called and asked if I could come in on Thursday as well, but I was zonked out when they called thanks to the sleeping pill I took. Sam is back on home iv's. The source of some of his recurring illness is coming from our house. More home projects, fun! One of the months further down the road is home imrovements, so it looks like it will be coming sooner than later. But I have succeeded in organizing some things. I have changed all of the hangers in the master bedroom closet to Huggable Hangers, I organized the closet in general, put the dust ruffles on the beds, follow my planner, make my lunch at nite, just to name a few.
I hope I can inspire others to follow along with my Happiness Project. There are some of my co-workers who have showed some interest. I definitely think that people can benefit from this! I would love to hear feedback if anyone else is doing their own Happiness Project.
"Being happy is something you have to learn. I often surprise myself by saying "Wow, this is it. I guess I'm happy. I got a home I love. A career that I love. I'm even feeling more and more at peace with myself." If there's something else to happiness, let me know. I'm ambitious for that, too." - Harrison Ford
I have noticed that I have decreased my complaining at work - I try not to complain when my body parts ache from moving someone, I have decreased declaring how tired I am, at the end of the day, I no longer tell the oncoming shift what a tough day the day shift had. When the resource nurse the other nite said that she heard it was a tough day, I just said, "No, it wasn't too bad." She looked at me with a suprised look on her face and I told her that we all got thru the day in one piece and that was good enough for me! When the physicians order all of the wrong tests and I get phone calls from every single department in the hospital telling me they can't do what was ordered because it was entered incorrectly, I do still get a little irritated. I am human still!
Part of this happiness project has been evaluating friendships. While it is nice in a perfect world to always think that people will be your friends forever, it does not always work that way. Moving on from relationships and friendships is sad, but it also helps with finding happiness. People make new friends, outgrow old ones, find more fun, new exciting ones, and move on. It happens and that is ok. Sometimes you can just give it the best effort you have and after that, it is time to move on. It is not giving up or accepting defeat, it is respecting differences.
You want to know what I part of the organizing I have actually achieved, don't you? Well, it has not been much. Things have been very hectic in our house. Cheyenne has had to go to the vet almost once a week and we got the news today that she has Cushing's Disease. The medication can be rather harsh on her, but we are optimistic that she will be ok. Work has had several call outs, and I worked some extra hours on Wednesday. I felt badly because I was not able to stay longer than 3 hours - that was the day Cheyenne went in for her blood tests. They called and asked if I could come in on Thursday as well, but I was zonked out when they called thanks to the sleeping pill I took. Sam is back on home iv's. The source of some of his recurring illness is coming from our house. More home projects, fun! One of the months further down the road is home imrovements, so it looks like it will be coming sooner than later. But I have succeeded in organizing some things. I have changed all of the hangers in the master bedroom closet to Huggable Hangers, I organized the closet in general, put the dust ruffles on the beds, follow my planner, make my lunch at nite, just to name a few.
I hope I can inspire others to follow along with my Happiness Project. There are some of my co-workers who have showed some interest. I definitely think that people can benefit from this! I would love to hear feedback if anyone else is doing their own Happiness Project.
"Being happy is something you have to learn. I often surprise myself by saying "Wow, this is it. I guess I'm happy. I got a home I love. A career that I love. I'm even feeling more and more at peace with myself." If there's something else to happiness, let me know. I'm ambitious for that, too." - Harrison Ford
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
How much happiness can my heart hold?
Holy smokes! It has been a really, really long time since I have posted on here. Our wedding was just magical. It was better than I ever could have imagined. We were surrounded by all of the people we love and care about. I will write and post pictures about the wedding and our fantabulous honeymoon in a later blog.
For this blog, I wanted to share the new journey I am embarking on. It is called "The Happiness Project". This is based on a book, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. While I will be using her book as a guideline, I will not be following her project to a T. Obviously, she and I have different things in life that make us happy. But there are some areas that did overlap, so it was nice to get some concrete ideas on how to achieve certain things.
I want to start off by saying that I am already happy. I have a wonderful, loving husband, a fantastic, loyal dog, a beautiful house, my dream job - the list goes on. But, I do feel like there is always more room for improvement. Honestly, I feel like one can never be too happy. This journey lasts one year - and yes, I know that I am starting in the month of February and it is not the first day of the month, but as I was reading the book, I got a head start on the first month. I have been wanting to do this for about a year now, but with wedding planning, the holidays, etc, it was kind of difficult to dedicate myself to this. I know those just sound like excuses, but I really wanted to be able to put my all into it. That is just how important this is to me.
So what exactly does this entail? Each month, for the next 12 months, I am going to focus on a different aspect of my life. I already have them planned out, for the most part, but they might change, so I will post what the month's goal is at the beginning of the month. Some goals will be easier than others, but I guess that is like all projects. The author of the book has come up with 12 Personal Commandments that she follows on a daily basis. Competitive as I am, I of course, had to come up with 16 Personal Commandments.
My 16 Personal Commandments:
1. Be Marisa - Ok, so this one I took from the author, except hers was Be Gretchen.
2. Live each day to the fullest - make the most out of my days off. When you start to see the same re-runs of game shows, it is time to get off the couch and get moving!
3. Stop and smell the roses. BREATHE! - I even bought a freshly cut roses candle from Yankee Candle Company yesterday to honor this commandment. I also have a silver stone with BREATHE engraved on it.
4. Don't stew, don't pout, forget the bad stuff. - I hold on to things for way too long and just get more and more angry as the time goes. I am a perpetual pouter. Sam tells me at least once a day to stop pouting!
5. Be nice, be fair. - It is much easier to say something negative than to find the good in others. I already try to stay away from gossip, but sometimes it is not possible. I form opinions rather quickly so I need to start giving people a chance. Also, I need to stop saying mean things about the doctors because, without fail, they always appear 2 seconds later and I am paranoid that they were listening around the corner!
6. Be true, follow my heart. - I ask for every one's opinions about everything. I want a stamp of approval with everything. I need to start making my own decisions. I need to honor my creative side, do more arts and crafts, and nurture my passions.
7. Exude confidence, be fearless. - Again, I feel like this has to do with wanting a stamp of approval. I can be so timid about things and doubt myself. I need to go with the flow!
8. Surround myself with positive people. - I know a whole bunch of negative people and I really feel like it is time to weed them out. Not that it is completely their fault for my sometimes being negative, but it is hard for me to be happy when I have others complaining and dragging my down.
9. It is ok to say no! - And if I don't want to give you an explanation, I don't have to.
10. I can't please everyone. - I need to start worrying about my own feelings and if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to. Although, this does exclude stool samples, sputum samples, urine samples......well you get the point!
11. Spoil myself and those around me. - This does not necessarily mean with material items. Spoil with love, affection, kindness, caring! Although material things are nice every once in a while.
12. Believe in miracles. - A cure for CF and a baby are the 2 that I am focusing on. I want to become more in touch with my spirituality. I feel like I have strayed a little bit from my beliefs.
13. Laugh. - Laugh at myself and laugh at others (but not in a mean way!). Get more joy out of everything.
14. Look your best, act your best, feel your best. - I don't always straighten my hair, wear makeup, get dressed up. I whine, complain and am moody. I focus on feeling tired, stuffy, and sore. I need to act how I want to feel.
15. Everything will be ok. - Yesterday, I was on my way to my hair appointment, stressed out, running late, feeling overwhelmed. I was stopped at a light and looked to my left and saw a gigantic sign that was painted next to an art gallery. A plain white sign with black capital letters that read "Everything will be ok". And it will.
16. Remember love. - Love myself, love those around me, love nature, love it all!
For the month of February, the first task that I will be tackling is (drum roll, please!) Get it together, Marisa! What, you ask, is Get it together, Marisa!? I need to get organized, and fast. My recipes are in a gigantic accordion folder with no rhyme or reason, photos are in a huge Tupperware, my quotes and magazine clippings are mixed in with my recipes, Valentine's, St. Patrick's, Easter, 4th of July decorations are strewn across my basement, arts and crafts supplies litter our spare bedroom, towers of sweaters fill our closet, boxes of shoes and clothes clutter our spare bedroom closet, rapidly multiplying dust bunnies float across the floor. Do you get the picture? This month, I want to work on getting myself organized.
If anyone is interested on embarking on this journey with me, that would be great. I would love to hear about things other people want to work on. Perhaps some of the things others want to work on would benefit me as well. Success happens in groups! I am sure that you are all just dying to see my progress with this, so I will definitely post more often :-)
"Don't agonize - organize!" - Florynce Kennedy
"If you can organize your kitchen, you can organize your life." - Louis Parrish
“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you” - Nathaniel Hawthorne
For this blog, I wanted to share the new journey I am embarking on. It is called "The Happiness Project". This is based on a book, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. While I will be using her book as a guideline, I will not be following her project to a T. Obviously, she and I have different things in life that make us happy. But there are some areas that did overlap, so it was nice to get some concrete ideas on how to achieve certain things.
I want to start off by saying that I am already happy. I have a wonderful, loving husband, a fantastic, loyal dog, a beautiful house, my dream job - the list goes on. But, I do feel like there is always more room for improvement. Honestly, I feel like one can never be too happy. This journey lasts one year - and yes, I know that I am starting in the month of February and it is not the first day of the month, but as I was reading the book, I got a head start on the first month. I have been wanting to do this for about a year now, but with wedding planning, the holidays, etc, it was kind of difficult to dedicate myself to this. I know those just sound like excuses, but I really wanted to be able to put my all into it. That is just how important this is to me.
So what exactly does this entail? Each month, for the next 12 months, I am going to focus on a different aspect of my life. I already have them planned out, for the most part, but they might change, so I will post what the month's goal is at the beginning of the month. Some goals will be easier than others, but I guess that is like all projects. The author of the book has come up with 12 Personal Commandments that she follows on a daily basis. Competitive as I am, I of course, had to come up with 16 Personal Commandments.
My 16 Personal Commandments:
1. Be Marisa - Ok, so this one I took from the author, except hers was Be Gretchen.
2. Live each day to the fullest - make the most out of my days off. When you start to see the same re-runs of game shows, it is time to get off the couch and get moving!
3. Stop and smell the roses. BREATHE! - I even bought a freshly cut roses candle from Yankee Candle Company yesterday to honor this commandment. I also have a silver stone with BREATHE engraved on it.
4. Don't stew, don't pout, forget the bad stuff. - I hold on to things for way too long and just get more and more angry as the time goes. I am a perpetual pouter. Sam tells me at least once a day to stop pouting!
5. Be nice, be fair. - It is much easier to say something negative than to find the good in others. I already try to stay away from gossip, but sometimes it is not possible. I form opinions rather quickly so I need to start giving people a chance. Also, I need to stop saying mean things about the doctors because, without fail, they always appear 2 seconds later and I am paranoid that they were listening around the corner!
6. Be true, follow my heart. - I ask for every one's opinions about everything. I want a stamp of approval with everything. I need to start making my own decisions. I need to honor my creative side, do more arts and crafts, and nurture my passions.
7. Exude confidence, be fearless. - Again, I feel like this has to do with wanting a stamp of approval. I can be so timid about things and doubt myself. I need to go with the flow!
8. Surround myself with positive people. - I know a whole bunch of negative people and I really feel like it is time to weed them out. Not that it is completely their fault for my sometimes being negative, but it is hard for me to be happy when I have others complaining and dragging my down.
9. It is ok to say no! - And if I don't want to give you an explanation, I don't have to.
10. I can't please everyone. - I need to start worrying about my own feelings and if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to. Although, this does exclude stool samples, sputum samples, urine samples......well you get the point!
11. Spoil myself and those around me. - This does not necessarily mean with material items. Spoil with love, affection, kindness, caring! Although material things are nice every once in a while.
12. Believe in miracles. - A cure for CF and a baby are the 2 that I am focusing on. I want to become more in touch with my spirituality. I feel like I have strayed a little bit from my beliefs.
13. Laugh. - Laugh at myself and laugh at others (but not in a mean way!). Get more joy out of everything.
14. Look your best, act your best, feel your best. - I don't always straighten my hair, wear makeup, get dressed up. I whine, complain and am moody. I focus on feeling tired, stuffy, and sore. I need to act how I want to feel.
15. Everything will be ok. - Yesterday, I was on my way to my hair appointment, stressed out, running late, feeling overwhelmed. I was stopped at a light and looked to my left and saw a gigantic sign that was painted next to an art gallery. A plain white sign with black capital letters that read "Everything will be ok". And it will.
16. Remember love. - Love myself, love those around me, love nature, love it all!
For the month of February, the first task that I will be tackling is (drum roll, please!) Get it together, Marisa! What, you ask, is Get it together, Marisa!? I need to get organized, and fast. My recipes are in a gigantic accordion folder with no rhyme or reason, photos are in a huge Tupperware, my quotes and magazine clippings are mixed in with my recipes, Valentine's, St. Patrick's, Easter, 4th of July decorations are strewn across my basement, arts and crafts supplies litter our spare bedroom, towers of sweaters fill our closet, boxes of shoes and clothes clutter our spare bedroom closet, rapidly multiplying dust bunnies float across the floor. Do you get the picture? This month, I want to work on getting myself organized.
If anyone is interested on embarking on this journey with me, that would be great. I would love to hear about things other people want to work on. Perhaps some of the things others want to work on would benefit me as well. Success happens in groups! I am sure that you are all just dying to see my progress with this, so I will definitely post more often :-)
"Don't agonize - organize!" - Florynce Kennedy
"If you can organize your kitchen, you can organize your life." - Louis Parrish
“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you” - Nathaniel Hawthorne
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Milestones and Miracles
We are officially 33 days away from the wedding. Still so many things to do. I am trying to get as much done on my days off as possible and, as for right now, it is working. And that is good enough for right now. I feel like there are so many other things for us to be focusing on that the wedding is kind of taking the back-burner. As many of you know, Sam was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks again. It was kind of a wake up call for me. Many people would ask me how the wedding planning was going and that was the first time that I realized that I was not like the typical bride basking in all of the glory and the attention. Brides generally use this time to be selfish and rightfully so. They want to talk about the wedding and nothing else. They eat, sleep, work, and dream wedding. They watch endless hours of Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, and My Fair Wedding. Meanwhile, I was driving to the hospital every nite after working 13 or 14 hours in another hospital to sit with my groom to be. I knew Sam was going into the hospital, but I was not expecting it to happen on the day that it did. I did not get to give him a huge hug and make sure he had everything he needed to go in. I did not realize they would already have a bed waiting for him when he went to see his doctor. That nite, on my drive home from seeing Sam on that first nite, I did something that I had not done before. I took a moment after getting back into my car at almost 11 pm and just thought. And the wave hit me like it never had before. My eyes welled up with tears and I knew that my life would never be "normal" again. This was my new normal. I called my mom and started talking to her and before I knew it, I started to cry a little. I am not a very confident driver when I am not crying and at this point, I had been awake from 18 hours and worked for 13 of those, so imagine what it was like for me to be driving at this point. So I just sat there, driving and sobbing about how this should be the happiest time of my life and Sam was in the hospital, sick. I felt selfish for doing that because I was not the one in a hospital bed, but instead was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn't be a selfish bride. Once the reality hit that I was able to sleep in my own bed, I snapped out of my pity party.
The next day, I was walking the dog and stood and stared at our front lawn. The grass was embarrassingly tall next to my neighbors' lawns who cut them practically every day it seemed like. I whipped out my cell phone and called Sam. He sounded so happy to hear from me, but yet he was greeted by me yelling at him about what our lawn looked like. He felt terribly and tried to explain that he was planning on coming home from the doctor and mowing the lawn before going into the hospital but couldn't do that because they had a bed waiting for him. I yelled, "Whatever!" into the phone and hung up. Stomping along the street, I continued to walk the dog and admire all of the other beautiful lawns on my street. Cheyenne just bopped along and did her stuff. I was glad that she was done so quickly because that meant that I did not have to stare at all of the other houses. As I got back to our lawn again, I started to think about what all of the neighbors must be saying about us and how they were probably judging us. I started to get even more angry because they had no clue what was going on behind our beautifully wreathed front door and they would think that we were just lazy. They didn't know that the young man that lived there who gave a healthy appearance was anything but. So, I did what any scared, angry girl would do. I brought the dog inside, finished packing all of Sam's belongings that he would need for his stay, set the alarm, hopped in the car, and called my dad. I started to sob again as soon as I heard him say, "Hey! How's my little girl doing today?" I told him how angry I was about the lawn and that I wanted the back yard cleaned up and that I was going to have to mow the lawn tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. My dad did what every loving dad would do and said, "What time do you want me over there tomorrow morning?" We talked a little and my dad asked me if I wanted to stay at his house while Sam was in the hospital. I would have loved to, but I really just wanted to be alone. After I hung up with my dad, I realized that the lawn was just a way for me to take out my anger and sadness and that it was not the lawn that was bothering me, but it was simply the only thing that I could possibly control at the moment. The next day, I mowed the front lawn by myself. With each blade of grass that I cut, I felt like I was getting something done, but it also made me sad. I started to think if I would ever be the only person who could cut the lawn because Sam would not be able to do it any more or if his fight with CF would be a losing battle. My dad came over and we cleaned the front yard and the back yard. It felt very liberating to be able to get it done and I really wanted to surprise Sam when he got home. He was so grateful when he saw it.
I am wondering how I will do getting thru our wedding vows. When we get to the point where we need to say "In sickness and in health", I wonder if we will ever have the opportunity to actually have 100% health. I would think that this is not something that most brides need to think about so soon in life. Several years ago, I suffered from depression. Very severe depression. I was hospitalized 2 times in 18 months for it. Even though I got thru it, I worry about my coping skills and if it will ever creep back up on me again. The whole time Sam was in the hospital, I kept very busy - from the moment I woke up in the morning until the moment I fell asleep. People kept telling me that I needed to take time for myself and do something for myself, but I was afraid that if I did take time to stop, I would think too much and that would not be in my best interest. Just to give you an example of how desperate I was to keep busy, I actually took dish washing detergent and a scrubby sponge and scrubbed each individual tile on our kitchen floor. It took me about 4 hours to complete, but it kept me busy and it was a great way to get out my anger.
I also used this time to meet up with my friend, Stephanie, and grab a cup of coffee with her. She lent a great ear and listened to me. I feel badly because I made her cry when I was telling her about all of the mixed emotions I was having about this time in my life. After thinking about it, I realized that if I was not in the situation myself and heard about it, I would be sad for the person going thru this. I told Stephanie about how I was having trouble sympathizing with people who were complaining about trivial things when they had their health and their loved ones has their health. It saddened me to walk into Sam's hospital room and see him on oxygen and get out of breath just walking down the hallway. It scared me when Sam called me up one nite to tell me that he had coughed up a ridiculously stupid amount of blood and that he thought he was going to have to go into surgery and wanted to call me to tell me he loved me in case he died during the surgery.
Last nite, we went to a party and I was so sad before we left because Sam is now on home iv's and another dose of 3 different IV antibiotics were going to be due while we were out. He was nervous about having to do them while we were out and there would be some people there that did not know his situation and he might have to explain. He did handle it gracefully, though, when someone asked and he told them it was an IV of vodka going straight into his veins. I just feel like life can be so unfair because Sam is having to go thru this. How can I focus on flowers and favors and cakes?
Now that Sam is home, I am getting more excited about the wedding, but I am hoping that as the date draws even closer, I will be even more excited. When Sam was born, the life expectancy of someone with cystic fibrosis was less than 20 years old. Thanks to Sam's parents, doctors, advances in CF medications and treatments, and most importantly, Sam's dedication and will to live, he is a college graduate with a Master's degree in Accounting as well as a CPA. He will be getting married, which was unheard of for CF patients at the time of Sam's birth. This is a huge milestone for him and I am beyond thrilled that he chose me to share this with him. We are grateful for the people that will be taking time out of their busy schedules to join us on our special day. It means so much to us that those people will be celebrating this miracle with us.
Please remember to hug your spouses, family, and friends and tell them that you love them, but most importantly, make sure you mean it. Celebrate each day as though it is a gift because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Listen to your partner and share in their interests even if you don't think that you will like them. Take time out of your busy schedules to celebrate the miracles and milestones in life. You never know just how important they are to others and how they might be affected by it.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle. ~Marianne Williamson
The next day, I was walking the dog and stood and stared at our front lawn. The grass was embarrassingly tall next to my neighbors' lawns who cut them practically every day it seemed like. I whipped out my cell phone and called Sam. He sounded so happy to hear from me, but yet he was greeted by me yelling at him about what our lawn looked like. He felt terribly and tried to explain that he was planning on coming home from the doctor and mowing the lawn before going into the hospital but couldn't do that because they had a bed waiting for him. I yelled, "Whatever!" into the phone and hung up. Stomping along the street, I continued to walk the dog and admire all of the other beautiful lawns on my street. Cheyenne just bopped along and did her stuff. I was glad that she was done so quickly because that meant that I did not have to stare at all of the other houses. As I got back to our lawn again, I started to think about what all of the neighbors must be saying about us and how they were probably judging us. I started to get even more angry because they had no clue what was going on behind our beautifully wreathed front door and they would think that we were just lazy. They didn't know that the young man that lived there who gave a healthy appearance was anything but. So, I did what any scared, angry girl would do. I brought the dog inside, finished packing all of Sam's belongings that he would need for his stay, set the alarm, hopped in the car, and called my dad. I started to sob again as soon as I heard him say, "Hey! How's my little girl doing today?" I told him how angry I was about the lawn and that I wanted the back yard cleaned up and that I was going to have to mow the lawn tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. My dad did what every loving dad would do and said, "What time do you want me over there tomorrow morning?" We talked a little and my dad asked me if I wanted to stay at his house while Sam was in the hospital. I would have loved to, but I really just wanted to be alone. After I hung up with my dad, I realized that the lawn was just a way for me to take out my anger and sadness and that it was not the lawn that was bothering me, but it was simply the only thing that I could possibly control at the moment. The next day, I mowed the front lawn by myself. With each blade of grass that I cut, I felt like I was getting something done, but it also made me sad. I started to think if I would ever be the only person who could cut the lawn because Sam would not be able to do it any more or if his fight with CF would be a losing battle. My dad came over and we cleaned the front yard and the back yard. It felt very liberating to be able to get it done and I really wanted to surprise Sam when he got home. He was so grateful when he saw it.
I am wondering how I will do getting thru our wedding vows. When we get to the point where we need to say "In sickness and in health", I wonder if we will ever have the opportunity to actually have 100% health. I would think that this is not something that most brides need to think about so soon in life. Several years ago, I suffered from depression. Very severe depression. I was hospitalized 2 times in 18 months for it. Even though I got thru it, I worry about my coping skills and if it will ever creep back up on me again. The whole time Sam was in the hospital, I kept very busy - from the moment I woke up in the morning until the moment I fell asleep. People kept telling me that I needed to take time for myself and do something for myself, but I was afraid that if I did take time to stop, I would think too much and that would not be in my best interest. Just to give you an example of how desperate I was to keep busy, I actually took dish washing detergent and a scrubby sponge and scrubbed each individual tile on our kitchen floor. It took me about 4 hours to complete, but it kept me busy and it was a great way to get out my anger.
I also used this time to meet up with my friend, Stephanie, and grab a cup of coffee with her. She lent a great ear and listened to me. I feel badly because I made her cry when I was telling her about all of the mixed emotions I was having about this time in my life. After thinking about it, I realized that if I was not in the situation myself and heard about it, I would be sad for the person going thru this. I told Stephanie about how I was having trouble sympathizing with people who were complaining about trivial things when they had their health and their loved ones has their health. It saddened me to walk into Sam's hospital room and see him on oxygen and get out of breath just walking down the hallway. It scared me when Sam called me up one nite to tell me that he had coughed up a ridiculously stupid amount of blood and that he thought he was going to have to go into surgery and wanted to call me to tell me he loved me in case he died during the surgery.
Last nite, we went to a party and I was so sad before we left because Sam is now on home iv's and another dose of 3 different IV antibiotics were going to be due while we were out. He was nervous about having to do them while we were out and there would be some people there that did not know his situation and he might have to explain. He did handle it gracefully, though, when someone asked and he told them it was an IV of vodka going straight into his veins. I just feel like life can be so unfair because Sam is having to go thru this. How can I focus on flowers and favors and cakes?
Now that Sam is home, I am getting more excited about the wedding, but I am hoping that as the date draws even closer, I will be even more excited. When Sam was born, the life expectancy of someone with cystic fibrosis was less than 20 years old. Thanks to Sam's parents, doctors, advances in CF medications and treatments, and most importantly, Sam's dedication and will to live, he is a college graduate with a Master's degree in Accounting as well as a CPA. He will be getting married, which was unheard of for CF patients at the time of Sam's birth. This is a huge milestone for him and I am beyond thrilled that he chose me to share this with him. We are grateful for the people that will be taking time out of their busy schedules to join us on our special day. It means so much to us that those people will be celebrating this miracle with us.
Please remember to hug your spouses, family, and friends and tell them that you love them, but most importantly, make sure you mean it. Celebrate each day as though it is a gift because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Listen to your partner and share in their interests even if you don't think that you will like them. Take time out of your busy schedules to celebrate the miracles and milestones in life. You never know just how important they are to others and how they might be affected by it.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle. ~Marianne Williamson
Monday, July 26, 2010
Food, fun, family, friends, and.....A Raccoon????
It has been quite a while since I have written.....yet again! Things have been going relatively well. Work is getting better as I am learning new things and adjusting to different people's personalities. In the beginning, people would often say, "You don't know how to do that?!?!?!?!" While I wanted to answer, "No, I don't and neither did you when you started nursing, so stop making me feel dumb and help me!", I would just politely say no. I have gotten over the fact that I was afraid to ask questions. I have gotten over a parent saying that she did not like me. I have gotten over people thinking that I am not as skilled as I should be and accepted the fact that they will not be calling me to perform brain surgery any time soon.
This summer has been going by rather quickly. My mom, sister, niece, and brother-in-law came to visit. We had a great time. My sister and mom threw me a fabulous bridal shower. So many friends were there, the decorations were great, the favors were adorable, and the food - well, anyone who has ever been to one of Dana's Chrismas parties knows what the food is like. But this was like her Christmas party on steroids. It was insane!!!! My niece was the hit of the party, as well as Ryann. Ryann is the daughter of my friend, Shannan. Shannan came all the way from North Carolina for my shower and it was a huge suprise. I got to catch up with college friends, Zeta sisters, former co-workers, neighbors, and I also got to meet some of Mrs. Byram's friends. My dad played bar tender and he did a great job. Dana made a champagne punch that was incredible and I would be thrilled if I could have it permanently in my fridge!
We spent a day at the aquarium. I loved it!!! I would like to move in with the sea otters or the penguins, but I don't think I would be allowed to. Never in a million years would I ever think that I would fall in love with a sting ray, but I did. They are really cute. When you first walk into the aquarium, there is a touch tank of sting rays and mini sharks. I actually pet some sting rays and some sharks. My family had to drag me away from them because I kept going back to see them. And I also did something that I never thought I would do. Anyone that knows me well knows that I am petrified of shrimp. Yes, cooked shrimp. They really just scare me. Well, I pet a live shrimp. A real live shrimp!!!! After the aquarium, we went to the Varsity where we all proceeded to eat too many slaw dogs, chili dogs, french fries, onion rings, and coke. I am just hoping I will be able to fit in my wedding dress now. If not, it was well worth it!
And what summer would not be complete without a leak in the HVAC system that causes the ceiling to fall in? Yup! Our ceiling in the master bedroom fell in. It was just charming. Imagine getting home from a wedding, Sam going up to the attic to see what the issue was, hearing Sam say, "Uh-oh", and then going into the bedroom only to be able to see his face in the ceiling. It was quite the shocker. He thought for sure that I was going to scream, but I didn't. I actually laughed. Very hard. But Sam did a great job putting the pipes back together. My dad and I pulled down the old ceiling and put up the new one.
The wedding planning is coming along splendidly! We have a little more than 2 months to go. Very scary! We just recently started our marriage preparation classes with our sponsor couple. They are a really sweet couple and they seem to rather in tune to us. They are kind of like the older version of Sam and myself. They have helped us sort out some things that have been the topic of not so fab discussions. We have these workbooks that we have to do before we see them and it really helps to cover topics that we really never thought about. We have learned so much about each other.
There are still a few things that need to be done for the wedding day. I still have to figure out who will be doing my hair and make up and what I will even look like that day. The favors and programs still need to be done, as well as figure out which kind of cake we want. Then there is the whole shoes thing. My surrogate aunt gave me the shoes that I will be wearing for my reception. She knows me very well and she made the perfect pair for me! I don't want to ruin the suprise, but here is a hint - sequins!!!! I love them!!! But as for the shoes that I will be wearing for the ceremony, I still don't have those yet. Plus, there are several ideas that I have that I need to start working on or they will not be done in time for the wedding day. But some of it relies on how many people will be coming, so I guess I am not totally procrastinating. I don't really have a choice but to procrastinate. Or at least that is what I am going to keep telling myself. My mom and sister are coming back down here on August 9, so little do they know, they will be sucked into helping me with everything.
Sam and I picked out our wedding rings today. It was really weird to see a ring on Sam's finger. I told him to make sure he picked out one that he really liked because it would be on his finger for the rest of his life. We had a great time picking them out and we both got the rings that we wanted. Our jeweler is a great guy. His stuff is beautiful. I get tons of compliments on my engagement ring and I made sure to tell him that today. So if you are ever looking for a good jeweler, let me know!
Aside from the possum, or should I say possums as it seems to be there are more than one, we have a few more added friends to our nitely deck feeding sessions. There is also Tigger the cat and Rhoda the raccoon. I am sure it is just a matter of time before our neighbors call animal control, but we can't resist. They are all so cute!
Well, I think those are the latest updates on everything. If I left anything out, I am sure that I will be updating again in another 3 months. No, honestly, I am going to start to write a little more often. I hope everyone in blogger land is doing well. I know I have a ton of fans out there, so I just want to make sure you are all well :-)
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
Winnie the Pooh
This summer has been going by rather quickly. My mom, sister, niece, and brother-in-law came to visit. We had a great time. My sister and mom threw me a fabulous bridal shower. So many friends were there, the decorations were great, the favors were adorable, and the food - well, anyone who has ever been to one of Dana's Chrismas parties knows what the food is like. But this was like her Christmas party on steroids. It was insane!!!! My niece was the hit of the party, as well as Ryann. Ryann is the daughter of my friend, Shannan. Shannan came all the way from North Carolina for my shower and it was a huge suprise. I got to catch up with college friends, Zeta sisters, former co-workers, neighbors, and I also got to meet some of Mrs. Byram's friends. My dad played bar tender and he did a great job. Dana made a champagne punch that was incredible and I would be thrilled if I could have it permanently in my fridge!
We spent a day at the aquarium. I loved it!!! I would like to move in with the sea otters or the penguins, but I don't think I would be allowed to. Never in a million years would I ever think that I would fall in love with a sting ray, but I did. They are really cute. When you first walk into the aquarium, there is a touch tank of sting rays and mini sharks. I actually pet some sting rays and some sharks. My family had to drag me away from them because I kept going back to see them. And I also did something that I never thought I would do. Anyone that knows me well knows that I am petrified of shrimp. Yes, cooked shrimp. They really just scare me. Well, I pet a live shrimp. A real live shrimp!!!! After the aquarium, we went to the Varsity where we all proceeded to eat too many slaw dogs, chili dogs, french fries, onion rings, and coke. I am just hoping I will be able to fit in my wedding dress now. If not, it was well worth it!
And what summer would not be complete without a leak in the HVAC system that causes the ceiling to fall in? Yup! Our ceiling in the master bedroom fell in. It was just charming. Imagine getting home from a wedding, Sam going up to the attic to see what the issue was, hearing Sam say, "Uh-oh", and then going into the bedroom only to be able to see his face in the ceiling. It was quite the shocker. He thought for sure that I was going to scream, but I didn't. I actually laughed. Very hard. But Sam did a great job putting the pipes back together. My dad and I pulled down the old ceiling and put up the new one.
The wedding planning is coming along splendidly! We have a little more than 2 months to go. Very scary! We just recently started our marriage preparation classes with our sponsor couple. They are a really sweet couple and they seem to rather in tune to us. They are kind of like the older version of Sam and myself. They have helped us sort out some things that have been the topic of not so fab discussions. We have these workbooks that we have to do before we see them and it really helps to cover topics that we really never thought about. We have learned so much about each other.
There are still a few things that need to be done for the wedding day. I still have to figure out who will be doing my hair and make up and what I will even look like that day. The favors and programs still need to be done, as well as figure out which kind of cake we want. Then there is the whole shoes thing. My surrogate aunt gave me the shoes that I will be wearing for my reception. She knows me very well and she made the perfect pair for me! I don't want to ruin the suprise, but here is a hint - sequins!!!! I love them!!! But as for the shoes that I will be wearing for the ceremony, I still don't have those yet. Plus, there are several ideas that I have that I need to start working on or they will not be done in time for the wedding day. But some of it relies on how many people will be coming, so I guess I am not totally procrastinating. I don't really have a choice but to procrastinate. Or at least that is what I am going to keep telling myself. My mom and sister are coming back down here on August 9, so little do they know, they will be sucked into helping me with everything.
Sam and I picked out our wedding rings today. It was really weird to see a ring on Sam's finger. I told him to make sure he picked out one that he really liked because it would be on his finger for the rest of his life. We had a great time picking them out and we both got the rings that we wanted. Our jeweler is a great guy. His stuff is beautiful. I get tons of compliments on my engagement ring and I made sure to tell him that today. So if you are ever looking for a good jeweler, let me know!
Aside from the possum, or should I say possums as it seems to be there are more than one, we have a few more added friends to our nitely deck feeding sessions. There is also Tigger the cat and Rhoda the raccoon. I am sure it is just a matter of time before our neighbors call animal control, but we can't resist. They are all so cute!
Well, I think those are the latest updates on everything. If I left anything out, I am sure that I will be updating again in another 3 months. No, honestly, I am going to start to write a little more often. I hope everyone in blogger land is doing well. I know I have a ton of fans out there, so I just want to make sure you are all well :-)
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
Winnie the Pooh
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