Thanks to being in nursing school, I have now had my pants scared off about what can happen if I don't take care of myself. And like most nursing students, I leave class thinking that I actually have every disease and disorder that we discussed that day. That is on top of the ones that I have already been diagnosed with by my doctor. Because of this, I have finally decided to become a little healthier. I disposed of all of my old, expired vitamins and purchased new chewable multivitamins and chewable calcium. I would like to say that the reason why I have not been taking my vitamins is because I have to swallow them, but deep down inside, I know that laziness is the real reason. I can't even blame it on a busy schedule because, honestly, how long does it take to swallow a pill? Well, it actually did take me 5 minutes to swallow a pill one time because I kept gagging on it.
On to the exercise. I work in a gym for Pete's sake. I get a free stinkin membership!!!! The only thing missing is someone physically carrying me to the gym kicking and screaming. I can't use the excuse that it costs too much. I can't say that I don't have 30 minutes in the day to get my tushie on a treadmill or an elliptical machine. Again, laziness. I have no other tangible excuse. Oh, but there is the small fact that I run like Phoebe Buffay and seeing me in workout clothes is like looking at a pipe-cleaner in yoga pants.
Since I have changed my status on Facebook to "engaged to Sam Byram", I have been getting the most charming little ads on the side of my screen that tell me tips on how to lose weight so I can squeeze into the dress of my dreams. I hate to break it to them, but the dress of my dreams will probably have to be taken in 4 sizes. Again, this is my own fault. I find things like eating, drinking water, and peeing to be a waste of time. I have vowed to eat more everyday. But I think I might have gone a little overboard today. I went to Kroger where they had Quaker Quakes Rice Cakes for 10 for $10. So, I bought myself a bag in Kettle Corn flavor. I was looking forward to the sweet yet tinge of salt taste. I live a mile from Kroger. Exactly a mile. I polished off half the bag making my way from my parking spot to the street. I would like to say there was a ton of traffic, but there wasn't. Right after I hit the button on my garage door opener, I stuck my hand into the bag. Crumbs. I ate the entire freaking bag!!!! I looked at the back of the bag and saw that my mile drive munchie is supposed to feed 7 people. SEVEN!!!!!!! I ate 49 mini rice cakes in a mile drive home. Thank goodness they are mostly air. I think that is actually the first ingredient listed on the bag. Air. Yup, it is. I just checked.
I have been reading the book "The Worn Out Woman". It is for the woman whose "life is full but spirit is empty". I have been trying to get my mental health in check, too. Sam is not much a fan of this book, though. Ten minutes after I finished reading a chapter of it last Friday, I changed the message on my cell phone saying that I was taking a mental vacation and that my phone would be shut off until Sunday. Sam made me change the message because he said I sounded like a lunatic in the midst of a nervous breakdown. I don't think he was that far off the mark! Let me clarify, though. My life is full, but my spirit is not empty. I just need something to help it get back on track. I have a whole lot of pent up anger from things that happened too many years ago to even think about, but for some reason, I can't let them go. Which brings me to the title of my blog - something that my mom taught me years and years ago. If you have something to say to someone, write a letter, but don't send it to them. Send it to someone else, like your mom, best friend, sister, etc. This way, you write down what you want to say and get it out of your system and they don't actually get the letter. Well, I have a whole lot of these "Unsent" letters stashed away and there is no need to hold onto old letters that have nothing to do with my current life. We have a garage sale in my neighborhood coming up. Perhaps I can sell them to a woman who has had a bunch of failed relationships in her life so she can send them to one of her old flames.
So, that is my plan. Eat more, exercise more, take vitamins, drink something other than coffee and soda, drink water, enhance my spirit, and rid my life of unnecessary anger, regret, envy, and sadness.
"Dear Jonathan I liked you too much. I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me and think solely about themselves and you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time. I used to say the more tragic the better. The truth is whenever I think of the early 90's your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday." - Alanis Morissette