Screw the deadline!!!

While I am going to write about my Happiness Project, I wanted to start out by writing about something else that is a whole lot more important to me. Sam is still on home IV's. While I know that he is going to get better, it is still something that is very stressful for both of us. He is a CPA, so he is smack dab in the middle of busy season, when he goes to the doctor, he has to stay at work even later than he normally would, he has to do iv's literally morning, afternoon, and nite. His weight has been flip flopping and his appetite has been less than stellar. I am not going to lie and say that this has not all sent me into a crying spell just about every other day.....or sometimes every day. Sam is usually not around for these little tear fests because I feel like it is not fair to him. He already has enough going on and has expressed to me that he already feels badly that we have to go thru this. Alot of my crying focused around obsessing about Sam having a shorter life span. What will happen to me if I am left by myself, what if we have kids and I have to raise them on my own? It is bad enough when I have to sleep in our bed alone when he goes into the hospital, but there is always the comfort of knowing that he is coming home. As much as I love to sleep sprawled out, I don't ever want to have to deal with a permanently empty bed. Sam always tells me to not worry about it. One day, I got into such a frenzy about it, I was just sobbing uncontrollably - my face was all red and soaked with tears, my eyes resembled Kermit the Frog's eyes, my nose was running like crazy and Sam reached his breaking point. He did something that he had never done before. He started to yell at me about it - telling me that I need to pull myself together, stop obsessing, stop crying. My actions were only making it difficult for him to deal with everything. He told me that he was too persistant to give in to some stupid disease. He grabbed my shoulders, looked me dead in the eyes and told me that he would never ever leave me alone. He will fight and he will keep fighting. He will never get tired and he will never give in. After that conversation, I have looked at him differently. If you look up the word persistant in the dictionary, you will find a picture of Sam. He is a fighter, my hero, my role model. Sam wakes up at 5:15 am Monday thru Saturday and never complains about it. He works 11-12 hours a day for 5 days a week and 6 hours on Saturdays and never once complains about being tired. He is my superman!

My Happiness Project is going very well, but I am running a little behind. At first, I was stressing myself out because I wanted to be on schedule and I did not want to disappoint myself, Sam, or the readers of my blog. I realized, though, that this is my project, so if I want to spend a little more time on an area, I am more than entitled to. Everyday we have to meet deadlines - paying bills by due dates, getting to work on time, getting to bed early, taking the dog out before she pees on the floor, and even finishing the milk before it starts to smell funny! Deadlines don't make people happy. They make you stressed out and this project is all about decreasing stress. I am enjoying clearing out the clutter, donating things, and throwing things away. I tackled my arts and crafts closet the other day - there are a ton of items in it, so I am not complete. There were several projects that I puchased things for, but I never started the projects - never the less finished them. I can guarantee that it will be a while before I set foot into a craft store to buy something. It is quite possible that I could open my own store. Once I am done with my arts and crafts closet, on to the basement I go. That is one area that I am eager to start working on. It will take a few days to sort thru everything, but I feel pretty confident that I will feel like a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders. Realistically, I would like to be done by March 15th, so I am challenging myself to finish off this month's goals by then.

On a side note, we are having a major mold issue in our house. We had a mold guy come over this morning and he quoted us over $5,000 to get rid of it all in the basement, first and second floors, and the attic. Obviously we are not going to go with the first person and we are going to get some other estimates, but this is a really big job. The mold is something that has been weighing on both of our minds, so I am hoping that once it is taken care of, we will both breathe a little easier - Sam more than me!

Please update me on your Happiness Project progress. You can do it as little or as big as you would like. I got an e-mail from the author of the book the other day and she said that her book is going to be coming out in paperback soon. It is well worth the purchase, people!!!!! You only have one life, so live it to the fullest and make it the happiest! Next month, I will be working on improving myself physically and mentally. Stay tuned!!! But, Tamila, that does not necessarily mean that I will be coming to work all dolled up :-)

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale

The flower that follows the sun does so even in cloudy days. ~Robert Leighton quotes