Perfectly Flawed: Making Our Dream a Reality in Cardinals Cove

Sam and I had many dreams. Dreams that we wanted to carry out together. Dreams for each other. Dreams for Owen. One of Sam's biggest fears in his last year of life was that if he died, I would not be able to go on. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, spending my days crying. And I have wanted to do that on so many days. More days than imaginable. But I can't. That would mean that Sam's biggest nitemare would come true. How could I do that to him? How can I do that to Owen? With every decision I make, I always think about what would Sam want me to do? This played such a big part in choice that I made recently.

This summer, my family and I went on a vacation to Hilton Head Island that my mother in law had planned for us before she joined Sam as one of my guardian angels. As the day drew closer for us to go, I started to have major anxiety. So much so that the nite before we were to leave, I called my family and told them to go without me. There were several factors that were causing this anxiety, but the largest was the fact that I did not want to go on a vacation to the beach without Sam. We had gone several years ago to Orange Beach and it was an amazing trip. We vowed that we would make it a point to go to the beach every year and that we would retire to the beach one day. That was our last trip to the beach together.

On the first day we arrived, it was a little rough for me. Dana and I were at the condo with the kids while my parents went shopping and I was feeling really anxious. As we were talking, Dana looked out onto the balcony and told me to look out there. Perched on the railing was a cardinal. He was bright red and was just staring at me. Every time I see a cardinal, I am always convinced that it is Sam coming for a visit. She told me it must be a sign that I was supposed to be on this trip. Fast forward through the week and we ran into cardinals everywhere, including on the beach. I felt so much at ease knowing that I was not there alone and my love had been with me all along. The trip that I had been anxious about going on ended up making me the happiest that I had been in a long time - and it was pure happiness, not just a smile to pretend that I am happy.

While we were in Hilton Head, I jokingly said that I wanted to get an apartment there so I can be able to feel that happiness anytime I wanted to. The more and more I thought about it, the more and more I wanted to make it a reality. Speaking of reality, my parents are realists. They are not dash your hopes and dreams realists, but "we are going to break it to you gently" kind of realists. Much to my surprise when I was at work one day, my parents got me a sign that had "Beach House Rules" on it. When they handed it to me, they told me it was for my new beach house because I needed to follow my dream - actually Sam's and my dream.

Wasting no time, I contacted a real estate agent to get a feel for being able to turn this dream into a reality. To my surprise, it was a whole lot more feasible than I thought it would be. It did not take long for me to find the perfect place. My dad and I took a trip down there to check it out and I fell in love immediately. The next day, I started to get that "you are insane" feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to get a feel for how long the walk to the beach would be, so my dad dropped Owie and I off at the parking lot of the condo and we took a stroll. Just as I was starting to question my decision, a cardinal flew onto the sidewalk in front of me and just stood there staring. He was about 5 feet away from us and he was not budging. He just stared. It was my sign from Sam that this is what was supposed to be happening.

Through out the process, I hit some bumps. Every time I felt like I wanted to give up, I would ask Sam for a sign and within minutes, everything would work itself out. This is how I knew that I was making the right decision. I found my peace and I found my happy place. I was really lucky that I found very patient people to work with me: my realtor, mortgage lender, and closing attorney. They made the process run very smoothly and worked really hard to keep me calm.

Every beach house has to have a name. It didn't take long to come up with the perfect one: Cardinals Cove. I closed this past Thursday and I have zero regrets. I am looking forward to making memories there with friends and family, but mostly with Owen. It is the most beautiful place and it is the perfect fit for us. My bedroom overlooks the tennis courts - I know that Sam would have been hopping the fence so he could play! He was my tennis superstar!

We are 0.3 miles from the beach, less than 1/2 a mile from Coligny Plaza, and the condo came fully furnished! And yes, I am taking rentals......